YoungJRNY wrote:I appreciate all these responses IMMSELEY and it really is comforting, so I thank you guys for that. I won't be making a decision anytime soon as we are set to talk about this and I'll be holding my ground. It's perfectly clear that this is my decision and my decision only, whether they or anyone else likes it or not and I held my ground with that and it couldn't be more clear.
First and foremost, she told me to go, wants me to have a great time and know I'll have a great time. She said she feels horrible to feel this way but she wanted to be real with me and she's concerned about me and my financial's since I just got a job that isn't a straight forward guarantee of withholding in the long run and wants me to make the best decision as far as money for the future and I get that and also the concern. She's the sweetest girl I've ever met and doesn't walk on my toes whatsoever and was always there for me, and a strong vice versa. It came to the point in the relationship to where after 4 years that she's my pride and joy and I don't want to do anything that would cause a rift between us, esp since I'm close to her brothers and her family. I'll tell you that she doesn't want nothing but the best for me and has no say in my decision's and she's only here to offer her best judgment and insight, so I'll always stick up for her in that highest regard as she truly is the sweetest girl and person I've ever been acquainted with.
Problem is, yeah, I've made the decision and like Matt said, I don't get many opportunities to do things like this since I'm 100% invested in her, which stems off of my actions and agreement alone. I've met wonderful people on the boards and I couldn't be more happy to spend every split second with any of you I've met and haven't yet met to this point. Words can't describe how lucky I am to have met the people I've met from here and the friendship is something I adore, esp now since a thing like this will give us the opportunity to grow a stronger threshold of that friendship & like Matt said, is so rare. I also look to my girl as my best friend and now knowing that she's concerned about this puts up caution flag in my mind now and that certainly won't go away. It ended last night in her telling me to go and wants the best for me and always wants me to be happy no matter what, but it's like the damage is done sort of thing within the family (who I agree is none of their damn business, but it's also guidance on their behalf and I take it as a grain of salt.)
BJG is hitting it on the head as far as the emotion. I guess I am at the point to where I care for her too much that it's not about being tied down, but ultimately what's best for me and her & I think about that in everything. Even though I KNOW she's looking out for me and wanting what's best, I also have such a strong relationship to the point to where I don't want to make a bad judgment of her concern and brush her off to the side and "make her feel her feelings don't matter" type of thing.
I'm the last person to make an ordeal out of anything, but I feel strongly connected to both sides. I'll be letting you guys know all the details in the next couple days.
That's good she said those things as long as she really meant them and wasn't saying them with all kinds of qualifications and/or in such a tone as to make you feel guilty.
I'm not gonna be at MR Fest either, so I feel your pain.
I guess in the end there's three huge things that I'd think about/realize if I were in your shoes:
(1) You're young and relatively unencumbered, so right now you CAN indeed do things like MR Fest without too much of a worry (or should be able to)... someday you might LITERALLY not be able to afford or make it work due to kids/marriage/job/related financial obligations. This is time you'll NEVER get back unless you some day win the lotto and live the life of a bachelor.
(2) If you and this girl are meant to be and you live for each other that much, you have your whole damn lives to go to family holidays, baby showers, weddings, anniversaries, etc etc. together. She should realize that too. Realizing such and being secure enough about each other (sounds like she needs to work on this, regardless of what she said about MR) to realize that just because you missed one thing she wanted you to go to doesn't mean you don't care about her or want to make her happy is a big and necessary step in maturity.
(3) You're a man, not a 16-year-old boy. What you do with your time and your money is about as much of her parents' business as what your parents do with their money and time... in other words, none at all. That really sounds like trouble. The thing that got my head out of my ass with my ex gf who I dated for 4 years and loved a lot too is when my uncle from Montana called me and I finally had an honest talk with him and he said "Matt, I'm not telling you what to do, but just remember, you're not just marrying her... you're marrying the family." I was always bending over backwards to put in face time with her family on holidays, traveling to NY with her to meet extended family and such, whereas her family expected her around their stuff all the time to the point where she never even met some of my extended family in 4 years!

That was a bad sign and a big reason of why I got outta that relationship, at least initially. Food for thought my man.
I'm not pretending to know all the answers, I just really see some of my situation in your situation.