MelodicRockFest 2 - Show Details

[Behshad]

old guy chiming in...

Trav...you know in your heart what to do already...follow your heart...

yes it's deep I know...always worked for me....

Guess what old guy , You need to practice what you preach and listen to your own fucking heart, cause



















You're going !

[Maui Tom]

I KNEW that one was coming!

[StevePerryHair]

["Matt, I'm not telling you what to do, but just remember, you're not just marrying her... you're marrying the family."

No truer words

[Ehwmatt]

["Matt, I'm not telling you what to do, but just remember, you're not just marrying her... you're marrying the family."

No truer words

An old adage, but old and enduring for a reason: It's true!

[StevePerryHair]

["Matt, I'm not telling you what to do, but just remember, you're not just marrying her... you're marrying the family."

No truer words

An old adage, but old and enduring for a reason: It's true!

For sure! Something I learned the hard way.... and luckily with time, age and maturity I have learned to deal with it in a much better and humorous way. But it caused a LOT of stress early on not realizing that.

(and BTW, I am talking about MY inlaws... so it goes both ways with the marrying the family thing...)

[Behshad]

["Matt, I'm not telling you what to do, but just remember, you're not just marrying her... you're marrying the family."

No truer words

An old adage, but old and enduring for a reason: It's true!

For sure! Something I learned the hard way.... and luckily with time, age and maturity I have learned to deal with it in a much better and humorous way. But it caused a LOT of stress early on not realizing that.

[StevePerryHair]

["Matt, I'm not telling you what to do, but just remember, you're not just marrying her... you're marrying the family."

No truer words

An old adage, but old and enduring for a reason: It's true!

For sure! Something I learned the hard way.... and luckily with time, age and maturity I have learned to deal with it in a much better and humorous way. But it caused a LOT of stress early on not realizing that.

[Saint John]

This the way I see it, Trav, and I hope you don't mind me being completely honest. This has nothing to do with money or afforability ... zero. This is about control. And this girl's parents, and I think she's being "coached" (whether she knows it or not), want to run this relationship. Honestly, I can't think of one good reason why they should give a rat's ass whether or not you can afford the trip. This seems to be much more about control, and they're conditioning you to be a giant pushover that they can control eternally through their daughter. I believe that your girlfriend loves you a lot. I trust your judgment. But she needs to trust your judgment when you politely request that her parents stay out of your finances. It's time to draw a line in the sand, bud. And if your relationship can't withstand the aforementioned request you'll be a lot better off finding that out now. A relationship is always a difficult thing and meddling parents, regardless of their intent, is always a trainwreck waiting to happen. After 4 years I would hope that you've earned their trust with interest. It's time to find out.

[bluejeangirl76]

But she needs to trust your judgment when you politely request that her parents stay out of your finances. It's time to draw a line in the sand, bud. And if your relationship can't withstand the aforementioned request you'll be a lot better off finding that out now. A relationship is always a difficult thing and meddling parents, regardless of their intent, is always a trainwreck waiting to happen.

It was bound to happen at least once.... but Dan is 100% right. the stories I could tell y'all about former mother in law would have you thinking I was making it up. thankfully that's all over now, but while it was happening - oh my god. the fights it caused were absolutely horrible. one of them ended with the ex having to break the bathroom door in because I was so angry (at his mother for being a bitch and him for LETTING her pull the bullshit she pulled and fighting with ME over it... i mean wtf?), and I slammed it SO hard, it got stuck and I could not get out. and the longer this kind of thing is allowed to go on without someone saying to whoever is meddling, "Excuse, that's not ok, and we're not goign to put up with it", the worse it becomes (on the couple) down the line.

[Ehwmatt]

This the way I see it, Trav, and I hope you don't mind me being completely honest. This has nothing to do with money or afforability ... zero. This is about control. And this girl's parents, and I think she's being "coached" (whether she knows it or not), want to run this relationship. Honestly, I can't think of one good reason why they should give a rat's ass whether or not you can afford the trip. This seems to be much more about control, and they're conditioning you to be a giant pushover that they can control eternally through their daughter. I believe that your girlfriend loves you a lot. I trust your judgment. But she needs to trust your judgment when you politely request that her parents stay out of your finances. It's time to draw a line in the sand, bud. And if your relationship can't withstand the aforementioned request you'll be a lot better off finding that out now. A relationship is always a difficult thing and meddling parents, regardless of their intent, is always a trainwreck waiting to happen. After 4 years I would hope that you've earned their trust with interest. It's time to find out.

In-fucking-deed. It's a straight up power play complete with coaching. Her mom wants to be calling the shots, her mom expects her at every holiday (if your guys' families ever live in two different places, she/they'll [not sure if remarried - dont think so from what you said] expect you at EVERY Xmas, Thanksgiving etc wherever they are). Dan's right on the money.

[Behshad]

This the way I see it, Trav, and I hope you don't mind me being completely honest. This has nothing to do with money or afforability ... zero. This is about control. And this girl's parents, and I think she's being "coached" (whether she knows it or not), want to run this relationship. Honestly, I can't think of one good reason why they should give a rat's ass whether or not you can afford the trip. This seems to be much more about control, and they're conditioning you to be a giant pushover that they can control eternally through their daughter. I believe that your girlfriend loves you a lot. I trust your judgment. But she needs to trust your judgment when you politely request that her parents stay out of your finances. It's time to draw a line in the sand, bud. And if your relationship can't withstand the aforementioned request you'll be a lot better off finding that out now. A relationship is always a difficult thing and meddling parents, regardless of their intent, is always a trainwreck waiting to happen. After 4 years I would hope that you've earned their trust with interest. It's time to find out.

Dude. You are 100% correct !!! POST OF THE MONTH !!!!

[bluejeangirl76]

In-fucking-deed. It's a straight up power play complete with coaching. Her mom wants to be calling the shots, her mom expects her at every holiday (if your guys' families ever live in two different places, she expect you at EVERY Xmas, Thanksgiving etc wherever they are).

So you've met my ex-MIL??

This woman came right out and said to me (behind his back of course), "He KNOWS that he is to be IN MY HOUSE on Christmas no matter what." Exactly that way, with the capital stuff emphasized. She went to work on me right away, it was the 1st Xmas that we were dating, asking me all about what day my family celebrates it. At the time we did our family thing on 12/25, and that's when she laid into me - her tone was like, "warning" me, like I better not get any funny ideas about inviting him, or making our own plans ever. Every year after that until we moved away, it was an epic holiday battle - Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter.... you name it.

The problem was though, that in 8 years, I saw him stand up to this brand of bullshit exactly ONE time. He always said there was no point becuase she doesn't listen. I said "so what? She can not listen all she wants but she talks to me like I'm HER 4 year old child and she can just tell me what is gonna be what, and YOU stand there and let her do it!" She treated me like shit because she didn't want to share her baby, and he let her disrespect me, which means HE didn't respect me. And that grew into much bigger things down the line. I guess in hindsight it was always a disaster waiting to happen.

[Ehwmatt]

In-fucking-deed. It's a straight up power play complete with coaching. Her mom wants to be calling the shots, her mom expects her at every holiday (if your guys' families ever live in two different places, she expect you at EVERY Xmas, Thanksgiving etc wherever they are).

So you've met my ex-MIL??

This woman came right out and said to me (behind his back of course), "He KNOWS that he is to be IN MY HOUSE on Christmas no matter what." Exactly that way, with the capital stuff emphasized. She went to work on me right away, it was the 1st Xmas that we were dating, asking me all about what day my family celebrates it. At the time we did our family thing on 12/25, and that's when she laid into me - her tone was like, "warning" me, like I better not get any funny ideas about inviting him, or making our own plans ever. Every year after that until we moved away, it was an epic holiday battle - Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter.... you name it.

The problem was though, that in 8 years, I saw him stand up to this brand of bullshit exactly ONE time. He always said there was no point becuase she doesn't listen. I said "so what? She can not listen all she wants but she talks to me like I'm HER 4 year old child and she can just tell me what is gonna be what, and YOU stand there and let her do it!" She treated me like shit because she didn't want to share her baby, and he let her disrespect me, which means HE didn't respect me. And that grew into much bigger things down the line. I guess in hindsight it was always a disaster waiting to happen.

I honestly had a great relationship with my ex's parents (even though I think her dad is a philandering, cheapskate loser, he was always nice to me and I of course was always nice and respectful towards him), so I can't say I had those kind of animosity-fueled exchanges.

But, in the end, the result was the same and I could see it for what it would be if we ever got married - a situation like yours where my desire to see my family (and theirs to see me) was short-changed or non-existent because of that kinda attitude on behalf of my ex and her family. My ex was too weak to stand up for herself and just did whatever her family wanted her to do and I could see that's what would happen. I just wasn't on board with that - my family's too important to me. Even if they weren't, that kinda weakness in a person who won't stand up for themselves is the worst and will cause problems in other areas.

[Jana]

This the way I see it, Trav, and I hope you don't mind me being completely honest. This has nothing to do with money or afforability ... zero. This is about control. And this girl's parents, and I think she's being "coached" (whether she knows it or not), want to run this relationship. Honestly, I can't think of one good reason why they should give a rat's ass whether or not you can afford the trip. This seems to be much more about control, and they're conditioning you to be a giant pushover that they can control eternally through their daughter. I believe that your girlfriend loves you a lot. I trust your judgment. But she needs to trust your judgment when you politely request that her parents stay out of your finances. It's time to draw a line in the sand, bud. And if your relationship can't withstand the aforementioned request you'll be a lot better off finding that out now. A relationship is always a difficult thing and meddling parents, regardless of their intent, is always a trainwreck waiting to happen. After 4 years I would hope that you've earned their trust with interest. It's time to find out.

Dude. You are 100% correct !!! POST OF THE MONTH !!!!

Yep. Great post by SJ. I can't imagine my parents getting involved with my boyfriend's personal finances back at the age of 20 to the point of an argument happening. It's not their business. It's between him and his girlfriend. And even if they offered their opinion, as parents want to do, how did it get to the point of their being so involved that they all got into it so heavy? But, YJ, you have to take responsibility. You have allowed them to become overly involved in your business, so you have to set boundaries.

[bluejeangirl76]

It's between him and his girlfriend. And even if they offered their opinion, as parents want to do, how did it get to the point of their being so involved that they all got into it so heavy? But, YJ, you have to take responsibility. You have allowed them to become overly involved in your business, so you have to set boundaries.

The thing is, from what Travis has said here, I can tell that he and his girl already have this handled between them... she let him know what her concerns were but she also said she wants him to be able to go (to mrf) because she knows he wants to and it's important to him (do I have all that right, T?). So really, as long as she's ok with it, and as long as T can manage the cost, then case closed... done, handled. No need for anyone but the two of them to work this out.

And I don't thinnk that he has "allowed" them to become involved... he did say that this was unlike any situation before. It sounds like this is a kind of "came out of nowhere" thing that's not been an issue that's had to be addressed before (if i read all of that right).

Maybe it's just time to not be so open about plans when it comes to her family... handle it with the GF, hopefully cost won't prove too much of an issue and the family need not even know he's going.

(What's funny though, is that now, about 7 or 8 of US are involved in telling him what's what... LMAO! Only cuz we love ya though, T)

[Behshad]

It's between him and his girlfriend. And even if they offered their opinion, as parents want to do, how did it get to the point of their being so involved that they all got into it so heavy? But, YJ, you have to take responsibility. You have allowed them to become overly involved in your business, so you have to set boundaries.

The thing is, from what Travis has said here, I can tell that he and his girl already have this handled between them... she let him know what her concerns were but she also said she wants him to be able to go (to mrf) because she knows he wants to and it's important to him (do I have all that right, T?). So really, as long as she's ok with it, and as long as T can manage the cost, then case closed... done, handled. No need for anyone but the two of them to work this out.

And I don't thinnk that he has "allowed" them to become involved... he did say that this was unlike any situation before. It sounds like this is a kind of "came out of nowhere" thing that's not been an issue that's had to be addressed before (if i read all of that right).

Maybe it's just time to not be so open about plans when it comes to her family... handle it with the GF, hopefully cost won't prove too much of an issue and the family need not even know he's going.

(What's funny though, is that now, about 7 or 8 of US are involved in telling him what's what... LMAO! Only cuz we love ya though, T)

No,,this is far from being resolved,,,,, Its only looks good on the surface,, but its far from a good situation for Travis,,,
Travis needs some thinking to do.

[Jana]

It's between him and his girlfriend. And even if they offered their opinion, as parents want to do, how did it get to the point of their being so involved that they all got into it so heavy? But, YJ, you have to take responsibility. You have allowed them to become overly involved in your business, so you have to set boundaries.

The thing is, from what Travis has said here, I can tell that he and his girl already have this handled between them... she let him know what her concerns were but she also said she wants him to be able to go (to mrf) because she knows he wants to and it's important to him (do I have all that right, T?). So really, as long as she's ok with it, and as long as T can manage the cost, then case closed... done, handled. No need for anyone but the two of them to work this out.

And I don't thinnk that he has "allowed" them to become involved... he did say that this was unlike any situation before. It sounds like this is a kind of "came out of nowhere" thing that's not been an issue that's had to be addressed before (if i read all of that right).

Maybe it's just time to not be so open about plans when it comes to her family... handle it with the GF, hopefully cost won't prove too much of an issue and the family need not even know he's going.

(What's funny though, is that now, about 7 or 8 of US are involved in telling him what's what... LMAO! Only cuz we love ya though, T)

Good points. Sometimes you wish you could take back what you thought was just an innocent conversation and sharing, and, bam, all of a sudden it turns into a telling you what to do and heated when you're ignoring their advice.

[Maui Tom]

Maybe the folks are thinking..."No future son in law or OURS is paying one red CENT to see Terry Brock w/Valentine "....")

[bluejeangirl76]

It's between him and his girlfriend. And even if they offered their opinion, as parents want to do, how did it get to the point of their being so involved that they all got into it so heavy? But, YJ, you have to take responsibility. You have allowed them to become overly involved in your business, so you have to set boundaries.

The thing is, from what Travis has said here, I can tell that he and his girl already have this handled between them... she let him know what her concerns were but she also said she wants him to be able to go (to mrf) because she knows he wants to and it's important to him (do I have all that right, T?). So really, as long as she's ok with it, and as long as T can manage the cost, then case closed... done, handled. No need for anyone but the two of them to work this out.

And I don't thinnk that he has "allowed" them to become involved... he did say that this was unlike any situation before. It sounds like this is a kind of "came out of nowhere" thing that's not been an issue that's had to be addressed before (if i read all of that right).

Maybe it's just time to not be so open about plans when it comes to her family... handle it with the GF, hopefully cost won't prove too much of an issue and the family need not even know he's going.

(What's funny though, is that now, about 7 or 8 of US are involved in telling him what's what... LMAO! Only cuz we love ya though, T)

No,,this is far from being resolved,,,,, Its only looks good on the surface,, but its far from a good situation for Travis,,,
Travis needs some thinking to do.

Obviously it's far from being resolved - I just meant that it seems that he and his girl have the going/not going part worked out, at least in that they aren't fighting about that now (unless i missed something) - the family thing is something else... and having been there done that, that's obviously a much bigger problem.

[DrFU]

you have to set boundaries.

This is my current wallpaper ... to remind me of my resolve to work on same ...

[Saint John]

Maybe the folks are thinking..."No future son in law or OURS is paying one red CENT to see Terry Brock w/Valentine "....")

[Tito]

I think it's safe to say, none of my in-laws would ever have to worry about my spending habits.

[KenTheDude]

Tell the GF's parents: "I'll let you tell me what to do with my money if I get to tell you what to do with yours."

[Behshad]

I think it's safe to say, none of my in-laws would ever have to worry about my spending habits.

I would put a crisp $50 bill on the bet for two reasons
a)youre single
b)youre cheap

[Ehwmatt]

I think it's safe to say, none of my in-laws would ever have to worry about my spending habits.

I would put a crisp $50 bill on the bet for two reasons
a)youre single
b)youre cheap

Tito, come to Cleveland with Dan this Friday. I got lots of Survivor stuff.

[Saint John]

I think it's safe to say, none of my in-laws would ever have to worry about my spending habits.

You could go in the dollar store with $5 and come out with $6 ... you cheap fuck.

[bluejeangirl76]

I think it's safe to say, none of my in-laws would ever have to worry about my spending habits.

You'd could go in the dollar store with $5 and come out with $6 ... you cheap fuck.

I'm completely stealing that! That's awesome.

[Saint John]

I think it's safe to say, none of my in-laws would ever have to worry about my spending habits.

You could go in the dollar store with $5 and come out with $6 ... you cheap fuck.

I'm completely stealing that! That's awesome.

lol ... surprised you didn't catch the typo!

[Behshad]

I think it's safe to say, none of my in-laws would ever have to worry about my spending habits.

You'd could go in the dollar store with $5 and come out with $6 ... you cheap fuck.

I'm completely stealing that! That's awesome.

I was also thiniking about stealing, but could only come up with ONE person I could use it against,,,,







TITO!


so no fun,,,

[Rip Rokken]

In-fucking-deed. It's a straight up power play complete with coaching. Her mom wants to be calling the shots, her mom expects her at every holiday (if your guys' families ever live in two different places, she expect you at EVERY Xmas, Thanksgiving etc wherever they are).

So you've met my ex-MIL??

This woman came right out and said to me (behind his back of course), "He KNOWS that he is to be IN MY HOUSE on Christmas no matter what." Exactly that way, with the capital stuff emphasized. She went to work on me right away, it was the 1st Xmas that we were dating, asking me all about what day my family celebrates it. At the time we did our family thing on 12/25, and that's when she laid into me - her tone was like, "warning" me, like I better not get any funny ideas about inviting him, or making our own plans ever. Every year after that until we moved away, it was an epic holiday battle - Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter.... you name it.

The problem was though, that in 8 years, I saw him stand up to this brand of bullshit exactly ONE time. He always said there was no point becuase she doesn't listen. I said "so what? She can not listen all she wants but she talks to me like I'm HER 4 year old child and she can just tell me what is gonna be what, and YOU stand there and let her do it!" She treated me like shit because she didn't want to share her baby, and he let her disrespect me, which means HE didn't respect me. And that grew into much bigger things down the line. I guess in hindsight it was always a disaster waiting to happen.

Good lord all of this strikes home, as well as Saint John's thoughts. Seems a ton of people lose their first marriage, and mine was at 22. In a nutshell, loved the father-in-law but he was PASSIVE and did NOT wear the pants in the family. My mother-in-law was one of the most manipulative, selfish people I'd ever met. Holidays were a nightmare, and I could see that before we tied the knot when watching some of their Christmas videos. The MIL overspent on everyone and made sure they knew how much she spent as they opened their gifts. I love everyone but I've never been an ass-kisser. I did the best I could as a son-in-law but didn't let her jerk me around, and made it very politely clear that we made our own choices in life. Ahh, the ignorance of youth... guess who won?



You'd be astounded at some of the crap the MIL pulled, and this was a woman in her early 60's mine ye. Here's one choice nugget -- she got us our first NICE apartment and rigged us up on a HUD deal so we only paid $80/mo. for a year. It was in clear sight of her office window across the street. One night, we turned in a bit early, maybe 9-ish. MIL calls us on the phone from her office. My wife answered, and MIL says, "Your lights just went out. What's going on up there? I was worried." Things really started to go south after the first year when I refused to resign up under the HUD deal -- we both had decent jobs by this time and I didn't want to be scamming off the government. MIL resented me for that, because she was losing some control. I'd already quit letting her bring over sacks of groceries for us every week -- it was just important for me to make our own way in life.

Any time we had an argument, MIL had friends with pickup trucks on call ready to come move all her stuff out. Happened three times within a year and a half -- after the 2nd time , she refused to return the bed she'd given us when we got married and we had to sleep on a borrowed mattress. The 3rd time, she offered to pay for my wife's Master's degree tuition if she left, and it stuck.

Here's something I learned back then, and it's very damn true -- people often will relate to their spouses like they do their parents, so you HAVE to pay attention to that crap closely and don't take it for granted. If a girl isn't close to her father and has a dominating, controlling mother, there's a good chance she'll expect to mold you into the same spot as her father (and mine sure did). The reverse is true, of course -- if a dude has a bad relationship with his mother, he'll probably end up treating his wife the same.

Trav, my first wife was like your girlfriend before we got married, and everything was so cool up until the first night of the honeymoon. She acted so different that night It was literally like pulling the mask off a Scooby-Doo villain. The next year and a half was 35% heaven, 65% pure hell. Only you know your relationship bro, but just don't take any of this crap for granted. I don't really know much about your Florida trip scenario but in general it doesn't sound like something you should be expected to spend a bunch of money to make happen, even if you were engaged.