Social Relationships Key To Survival And Longetivity

[Voyager]

When I started working for myself almost five years ago (wow - time flies), my social networks were altered greatly, since I was working from home. I still had contact with some, but not the daily, "in the office" type of interaction. At first, I missed that, but have gotten to where I really enjoy having the solitude when I want and need it.

It's also no coincidence that I become more active socially online around that time, and while I do have more interaction face to face these days, I've come to really enjoy the new friends I've made online. Even though I've only met a few of you, I am hoping to meet more as events allow.

Basically, thanks for letting me float in and around your conversations and groups. I am thankful for the friends I've made online...

I could have written the exact same post. I am self-employed also and working from home. At first it sucked bad, but then I adjusted. Social networking has made up for the office watercooler time. I get out to see the occasional local band, go to regular concerts with friends, and do a dinner/movie 1-2 times a month with the wife. But I do miss working with people during working hours... I mainly miss the team aspect of it. Humans want to be part of a cause and have a purpose.

[Rhiannon]

Well *tear* I have figured out how to get Rhi in the mix more often, y'all ...
we just hafta make BJG cry!!

No crying please. Nothing worse than a bunch of soggy heffas getting all drippy.

[Rhiannon]

What the hell is this, the frickin' Joy Luck Club?

Do YOU need a hug, bb?

[bluejeangirl76]

At one point I spent about a year trying to get her to come out with us and do things, inviting her along with us when going out, and she never wants to. I don't know how to handle people like that. I'd like to see her come out of her hidey hole, but you can't force people that are just determined to be unhappy.

I don't think she is determined to be unhappy. Maybe she had a lonely childhood, or maybe was neglected or given up for adoption? If kids don't bond well with their primary caregiver as a baby, many times they will have relationship problems as adults. It's a subconscious thing - I can assure you she doesn't like being isolated and unhappy.

None of those things. Maybe determined is the wrong word. I don't know that she's unhappy, so to speak, but I do know that she wants certain things in life yet she doesn't do that much to try and make them happen. She's in some sort of comfort zone, or something. Which is fine, but we've had conversations about it, and she's admitted what some of her issues are, socially, and she knows she isn't going to get the things she wants the way she's rolling now... I just think she doesn't know how to change it. I tried to help this numerous times... but you can't help someone that doesn't work back with you.

The unconditional "thereness" that Rhiannon was talking about... I do that with anyone I become close to. It's just how I am. I can't turn away from people. And I have been beaten the shit out of - emotionally - by people who took that from me and stepped all over it.

One person in particular... if I ever see this girl again, it will be too soon. I could not have been a better friend to her. I was right there every time she was crying over her boyfriend, every time he hit her, every time he threw her out of his house, every time he did a lot of horrible things. In fact, I was right there for her through TWO boyfriends putting her through hell. She was NOT unconditionally there in return, and not only that, she had the nerve to gossip behind my back about my personal life to a common friend... so I pretty much decided that since I'm not in 4th grade anymore, I didn't need people like that draining every ounce of my energy with daily bullshit. And again, I tried really hard with her. She needed help and I was there for a very very long time. And it became detrimental to ME. She stressed me out, she demanded all of my time and gave nothing back. Nest of dramatic fuckery indeed.

[bluejeangirl76]

soggy heffas

band name!

[Voyager]

I found a local talk radio station forum that has a lunatic stern-wanna-be talk show host who runs it, and it supplies a lot of humor for me. Not to mention forum posts about local events - which is what is missing on an international forum like this one. But this forum is one of the three that I frequent in addition to Facebook (which I rarely post on).

I can only imagine how much productivity is lost on social networking. That's because the watercooler times was limited to 20-minute breaks twice a day... if you have employees that are online and have access to their email and Facebook - you can bet they spend more than 40 minutes a day on it.

[Voyager]

I don't know that she's unhappy, so to speak, but I do know that she wants certain things in life yet she doesn't do that much to try and make them happen. She's in some sort of comfort zone, or something. Which is fine, but we've had conversations about it, and she's admitted what some of her issues are, socially, and she knows she isn't going to get the things she wants the way she's rolling now... I just think she doesn't know how to change it. I tried to help this numerous times... but you can't help someone that doesn't work back with you.

Maybe she is slightly autistic? They can be so high-functioning (Asperger's Syndrome) that you can hardly tell they are on the autistic scale until you take their lack of social reciprocity into consideration. I bet if you accept her that way and don't push her to socialize you will get much further with her.

[Sarah]

None of those things. Maybe determined is the wrong word. I don't know that she's unhappy, so to speak, but I do know that she wants certain things in life yet she doesn't do that much to try and make them happen. She's in some sort of comfort zone, or something. Which is fine, but we've had conversations about it, and she's admitted what some of her issues are, socially, and she knows she isn't going to get the things she wants the way she's rolling now... I just think she doesn't know how to change it. I tried to help this numerous times... but you can't help someone that doesn't work back with you.

Well I guess this is obvious but she can get a lot of tips out of self-help books or therapy if she can afford it and would rather talk to a professional. She might even benefit from meds if she's not against the idea. But I guess if she doesn't want help then you just have to wait until she realizes it...

I tend to wallow in my misery too and not want to change, but I was put on Paxil for a while and it helped.

[bluejeangirl76]

None of those things. Maybe determined is the wrong word. I don't know that she's unhappy, so to speak, but I do know that she wants certain things in life yet she doesn't do that much to try and make them happen. She's in some sort of comfort zone, or something. Which is fine, but we've had conversations about it, and she's admitted what some of her issues are, socially, and she knows she isn't going to get the things she wants the way she's rolling now... I just think she doesn't know how to change it. I tried to help this numerous times... but you can't help someone that doesn't work back with you.

Well I guess this is obvious but she can get a lot of tips out of self-help books or therapy if she can afford it and would rather talk to a professional. She might even benefit from meds if she's not against the idea. But I guess if she doesn't want help then you just have to wait until she realizes it...

I tend to wallow in my misery too and not want to change, but I was put on Paxil for a while and it helped.

If I had to break this down, the simplest answer I could give is that, basically, she's a grump. Everything seems to annoy her or offend her in some way.

She's very smart, she's nice, caring.. all of that... but she is just too picky for her own damn good. There is always something wrong with everything. TV shows annoy her, most people that aren't her family seem to annoy her. Her best friend even seems to be a big source of annoyance....

She doesn't date because there is always something wrong with ... pretty much everyone... everything people say or do, she takes it in through a filter of negativity and makes it something that it isn't. I mean, she will complain about the weirdest things... one day it was.... "Why does facebook have to suggest that I reconnect with (name)... I just talked to her on the phone yesterday!" Um... Facebook doesn't know your phone habits, darlin'. Facebook just knows you haven't written on her wall in 6 months. I mean jesus.

I guess the point goes back to what was said before, just as much as we need soccial interaction to benefit our health and well-being, we have to realize that the TYPE of relationship it is matters too - the point that Rhiannon was making. Constant negativity has just as much effect on mental and physical well-being as positive relationships have.

[Rhiannon]

One person in particular... if I ever see this girl again, it will be too soon. I could not have been a better friend to her. I was right there every time she was crying over her boyfriend, every time he hit her, every time he threw her out of his house, every time he did a lot of horrible things. In fact, I was right there for her through TWO boyfriends putting her through hell. She was NOT unconditionally there in return, and not only that, she had the nerve to gossip behind my back about my personal life to a common friend... so I pretty much decided that since I'm not in 4th grade anymore, I didn't need people like that draining every ounce of my energy with daily bullshit. And again, I tried really hard with her. She needed help and I was there for a very very long time. And it became detrimental to ME. She stressed me out, she demanded all of my time and gave nothing back. Nest of dramatic fuckery indeed.

One word for her.

[Don]

Orange Chicken.

[portland]

Orange Chicken.

Lunch?

[Don]

Orange Chicken.

Lunch?

Done.

[portland]

Orange Chicken.

Lunch?

Done.

Good?

[Don]

Orange Chicken.

Lunch?

Done.

Good?

For the price, good enough. Chow Mein (no rice, it would put me to sleep), two sides of Orange Chicken and a tall Thai Tea. I'm content.

[bluejeangirl76]

One person in particular... if I ever see this girl again, it will be too soon. I could not have been a better friend to her. I was right there every time she was crying over her boyfriend, every time he hit her, every time he threw her out of his house, every time he did a lot of horrible things. In fact, I was right there for her through TWO boyfriends putting her through hell. She was NOT unconditionally there in return, and not only that, she had the nerve to gossip behind my back about my personal life to a common friend... so I pretty much decided that since I'm not in 4th grade anymore, I didn't need people like that draining every ounce of my energy with daily bullshit. And again, I tried really hard with her. She needed help and I was there for a very very long time. And it became detrimental to ME. She stressed me out, she demanded all of my time and gave nothing back. Nest of dramatic fuckery indeed.

One word for her.

Thank god I got out when I did, right? You heard those voicemails... she would have boiled my bunny for sure.

[Rhiannon]

Thank god I got out when I did, right? You heard those voicemails... she would have boiled my bunny for sure.

Bitch needs pills.

[bluejeangirl76]

Thank god I got out when I did, right? You heard those voicemails... she would have boiled my bunny for sure.

Bitch needs pills.

She HAD them. They didn't work. That's not a joke, either. But that's beside the point. She was an extreme example of the this whole discussion. Her own self-destructive relationships were probably a huge reason for the way she acted. And that in turn affects the people around her, who then don't want to be around dealing with that, which in turn goes back to her feeling badly, and again projecting it out to others... it was a shitty cycle, and my phone at 2 a.m. bore the brunt of that for a long ass time until I finally couldn't take another minute of it.

[parfait]

Well thanks for saying so! You all met me after I got more social but in high school and early college I pretty much never left my room. I still stress/worry wayyyy too much about everything like bjg's friend and it does have negative health effects. =/

Well, who you were then doesn't define who you are now. I've gone through more than a few anti-social periods until I learned that the typical social life for someone my age just was not who I am as a person. Not much for small talk anymore either. I guess after 25 years I no longer feel compelled to fill awkward silence with forced self-centered conversation. Life's too short to spend traipsing through a rat-race of hollow ego to impress people I don't even want to know.

The stress/worry I feel you on COMPLETELY. It's one of my biggest problems.

Woah. We're different; cause I love talking about myself. Fuck, I can spend 30 minutes just looking at myself in the mirror.

I don't get the stress thing though. Stress is just really, really unnecessary. Screw what other people think about you and all that - socializing is important for everyone. Just relax and take things as they come. Seems to me that stress correlates to the amount of confidence a person got; the confidence to not second guess every action you take, or every consequence of said action.

[Don]

^^^^^^
I can just imagine.

[Rhiannon]

Well thanks for saying so! You all met me after I got more social but in high school and early college I pretty much never left my room. I still stress/worry wayyyy too much about everything like bjg's friend and it does have negative health effects. =/

Well, who you were then doesn't define who you are now. I've gone through more than a few anti-social periods until I learned that the typical social life for someone my age just was not who I am as a person. Not much for small talk anymore either. I guess after 25 years I no longer feel compelled to fill awkward silence with forced self-centered conversation. Life's too short to spend traipsing through a rat-race of hollow ego to impress people I don't even want to know.

The stress/worry I feel you on COMPLETELY. It's one of my biggest problems.

Woah. We're different; cause I love talking about myself. Fuck, I can spend 30 minutes just looking at myself in the mirror.

I don't get the stress thing though. Stress is just really, really unnecessary. Screw what other people think about you and all that - socializing is important for everyone. Just relax and take things as they come. Seems to me that stress correlates to the amount of confidence a person got; the confidence to not second guess every action you take, or every consequence of said action.

Not at all what I meant. That phrase means I don't care if a conversation lags. Most people are knee-jerked to start some kind of "so, I got this new sweater" ... "oh my boss is such an ass" filler gab that doesn't mean anything.

Regarding stress, I was referring the general day-in-day-out processing of life events. Not social stress. Nothing to do with confidence. Or worrying about what people think.

PS... parfaits are gross.

[StevePerryHair]

^^^^^^
I can just imagine.

[S2M]

Honestly....I hate people, in general. I think ALL people have a selfish streak. And given the right situation would stab their mother in the back....For the most part I 'tolerate' folks....some amuse me, others irritate me...and still others annoy the ever living shit out of me.

I have an extremely small circle of friends....

I enjoy people watching....and the thing I love to see the most is two people talking to one another, and neither one is listening to what the other is saying. Person 'A' has NO interest in what 'B' is saying...in fact, the whole time 'B' is relating the anecdote, if 'A' isn't interrupting with his/her own anecdote, she/he is formulating what to say when 'B' is done....no one cares anymore.....Welcome to the ME generation.

[Rhiannon]

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." -- Maya Angelou

[artist4perry]

^^^^^^
I can just imagine.

One difference........the frog is cute.

[Don]

I'm thinking that went right over your head, Ginger.

[parfait]

Honestly....I hate people, in general. I think ALL people have a selfish streak. And given the right situation would stab their mother in the back....For the most part I 'tolerate' folks....some amuse me, others irritate me...and still others annoy the ever living shit out of me.

I have an extremely small circle of friends....

I enjoy people watching....and the thing I love to see the most is two people talking to one another, and neither one is listening to what the other is saying. Person 'A' has NO interest in what 'B' is saying...in fact, the whole time 'B' is relating the anecdote, if 'A' isn't interrupting with his/her own anecdote, she/he is formulating what to say when 'B' is done....no one cares anymore.....Welcome to the ME generation.

No shit, Gacy!

And you people sure are hateful today. Words hurts, you know. (Pictures too, Bitch tits Don!)

[artist4perry]

Two types of people in this world, takers, and givers. Givers give, and are on a positive side of life. Things might get them down, but for the most part, they love life and others. Takers take. They are a drain on you emotionally and physically. These are people to cut out of your life.

One should find someone who adds to their life, and does not drain your essence, your strength. Good people build you up, and gain from your presence as well. I have had a good friend since I was 15. She and I find each other to be an power charge, and like corsecor twins. (not sure how to spell that, Deano) when she is hurting, I seem to know instinctivley though she is in Vegas. And she about me. We just sense that the other needs us. We will call and check on each other and sure enough, it was the most needed time. She was there when my first child was born, I was there when she miscarried and her husband would not stay by her side. I never left till she was comfortable to be alone again. This is friendship.

I have many aquantences, and I love them all. I don't have to agree with all of your phillosophies to love you. I will do what I can for those that I love. But I won't be used. If I feel taken advantage of, I will quickly stand up for myself.

[cudaclan]

The more people I meet, the more I like my dogs. With that stated, my spouse and dogs in a remote location is all I need.

[Ehwmatt]

Some crazy depressing people here man, damn. I love hangin with people. I also like my time to myself playin guitar, watchin shows or music only I like etc. Yeah, some people are out for themselves and have ulterior motives. You live, learn, and treat those type of people as the fun types to go to a show with rather than share your life problems with in a time of distress. Arm's length friendship, if you will...

And yeah, every once in a while, a friend surprises you in the worst way. My best friend for 12 years went AWOL on me last fall then blocked my number for no reason other than he fucked up a bit in his life. Happened to come right after I broke up with my long-time GF. So yeah, it kinda pissed me off and I still miss hangin with him, but fuck it, what can you do? I ran into him twice and he acted like he was sorry and had been goin through a bad time... then never unblocked my number. So fuck him, I own him anyway. Not gonna make me hate people or cut off contact with all my friends.