Social Relationships Key To Survival And Longetivity

[artist4perry]

I'm thinking that went right over your head, Ginger.

Maybe not, maybe my interpretation is different than yours. You pointed upward, which indicated your response to Parfait. Parfait indicated he likes looking in the mirror. The frog also looks like it likes looking at itself in the mirror. Hense, Parfait is represented by the frog. I said the frog is cuter.............Thus the frog is preferable to Parfait. This is my interpretation. Now what you meant may be another matter.



I lika dis one.

[Voyager]

Here's an example of what lack of social interaction can do to people:

The expanding torture scandal has left the American public horror-struck at how casually the Bush administration and its employees countenanced torture techniques like sleep deprivation, waterboarding and stress positions. However, another form of torture was not just used on detainees, but is being used on at least 25,000 Americans right now.

That’s the number of people currently held in long-term solitary confinement in the United States, living for years in 80-square-foot concrete cubes lit by round-the-clock fluorescent light, with little or no human contact. The U.S. is alone among developed countries in using long-term solitary confinement on a regular basis.

Academic scientific analysis of solitary confinement is still in its early stages, but the results are obvious, and echo the experiences of Americans who’ve been held in solitary confinement by terrorists or as prisoners of war. Human beings evolved to be social creatures. Solitary confinement drives us mad.

Human beings are socially connected organisms. It’s only when people are deprived of that connection that how much we depend on feedback from other people and contact becomes apparent. And all but the most resilient people begin to experience various forms of deterioration in the face of it. I’m not suggesting that everyone doesn’t recover, but not all of them do.

It’s certainly profoundly damaging if people lose hold of their own sanity. For some people, their sense of themselves changes so profoundly and so fundamentally that they are unable to regain it.

The other thing that happens more frequently, under even less long-term solitary confinement, is that people lose the ability to interact with others. They have to learn how to live in a world in which they’re in complete isolation. Their ability to be comfortable during social interaction and maintain relationships is permanently impaired.

http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2009/ ... z0v2Qf4tPB

[bluejeangirl76]

Some crazy depressing people here man, damn. I love hangin with people. I also like my time to myself playin guitar, watchin shows or music only I like etc. Yeah, some people are out for themselves and have ulterior motives. You live, learn, and treat those type of people as the fun types to go to a show with rather than share your life problems with in a time of distress. Arm's length friendship, if you will...

Exactly. There's a fine balance. The unbalanced ones are, as ginger said, the givers and the takers. It's fine to be both... you can take as long as you're giving something too. Relationships, friendships, whatever word you want to use, are about compromise, respect, honesty, love, mutual exchange of those things - the proverbial "give and take".

Being just one or the other is never good. If you're constantly giving and doing for others and let people get away with taking advantage of it, you get torn down in the worst way, in the end. I think this is probably my category. I can't find the balance. - edit - because I just got way misinterpreted... (:lol:) what i mean by that is I don't have nearly as much ability to take as I sometimes should....

I can't 'take' without feeling bad or guilty. People sometimes see this and take full advantage of it. They know you'll be there, that you'll help them, that you'll do whatever it is you want them to do, and they take that fact for granted and pull what they can out of you. I have to learn to accept that sometimes, people just don't have that much good in them, and stop trying to find it. Sometimes it just isn't there. I could probably save myself a lot of stress and hurt that way, and all the physical breakdown that comes with that, but I always think it isn't fair to write people off or not give them a chance. I mean we all have our bad moments, and you can't write people off for that... in fact, that's all the more reason to be there for them - that's where the love and understanding and "thereness" comes in. but when ALL there are are bad moments...

I always think well they're just going through something or maybe things will get better if.... this or that.... or they've had a bad day or something has happened...

As far as being a taker, and never giving anything, or caring about anything but themselves... well, I don't think I need to explain why that one's bad. I can't even comprehend those people, how they can be that way. I could never treat someone like that. That's how you lose people. And then the cycle of negativity continues...

This is not to claim that I'm in some way better than others, though, or that I haven't had my own bad times... we all do. But again, there's a balance. A friend might be going through a rough spot - I will put all my stuff aside and be there, if they want me to be. But when the ones who had me there and aren't there when my world goes dark... they can, to put it bluntly, go get fucked.

(see, I even feel guilty typing that about a hypothetical scenario... )

[Monker]

This forum is not considered a social network is it?

"In addition, being part of a social network gives individuals meaningful roles that provide esteem and purpose to life," the authors wrote.

I think by "social network" they mean the 3-D people.

And I believe it too. We need social activity and relationships and friends and interaction. I fully believe not having these things causes negative effects on health, well-being, mood and existing relationships. I mean who wants to deal with a grumpy-ass hermit all the time? I have a friend who is like this - she's gotta be one of the most negative people I know. I feel bad for saying it because I've known her since we were kids, and she's a real nice person... but her constant negativity is really off-putting.

And having read this, I think I understand a few more things about her now. She's always complaining of tiredness, headaches, stress (which is interesting, since she's not employed ((by choice, not by default)) and does very little but complain all the time). At one point I spent about a year trying to get her to come out with us and do things, inviting her along with us when going out, and she never wants to. I don't know how to handle people like that. I'd like to see her come out of her hidey hole, but you can't force people that are just determined to be unhappy. I learned that one the hard way more than once.

I think some people learn to rely on other people to make them happy. Your friend probably expects people to listen her self-critique and then sympathize and tell her that she's not all bad...to make her feel good. Or, they rely on others to bring them out of their shell and laugh and have fun. They are really miserable because they do not realize they have to know how to make themselves happy by doing things with others that they enjoy and sharing parts of themselves that they tend to hide because of fear of being hurt. Giving a gift of yourself to somebody else will make you a lot happier then EXPECTING others to do the same for you when you are sad. Many people do not learn this life lesson.

As for 'social network' meaning 3d people and not Facebook...I agree with you. But, that does not mean that those online friends can not be part of your socializing. It takes all types, I guess.

[Monker]

Two types of people in this world, takers, and givers. Givers give, and are on a positive side of life. Things might get them down, but for the most part, they love life and others. Takers take. They are a drain on you emotionally and physically. These are people to cut out of your life.

Exactly. Givers are happy. Takers are miserable, and make others less happy cuz all they do is want you to make them happy.

[bluejeangirl76]

As for 'social network' meaning 3d people and not Facebook...I agree with you. But, that does not mean that those online friends can not be part of your socializing. It takes all types, I guess.

I agree... what I meant by that was that the original article meant real-life interaction.
For a lot of people, though, online interaction becomes real life interaction, so at that point, those people do become part of your life. And sometimes it goes the other way - you lose touch and end up only communicating through virtual means, be it email, text, facebook, whatever. Hell, if it weren't for facebook, I'd never know what was going on with my own family... there are so many of us that we're all over, busy, doing whatever, but can still keep up with each other. It really does takes all types and all different situations. And it's not always a bad thing. But it isn't the only thing, and I think that's the point the article was making... that lack of substantial "real" interaction and relationships has negative effects.

Hiding behind a keyboard and interacting that way the majority of the time can't be good. Hell, it's NOT good. I went through a phase like that during a low point awhile back, maybe 4 years ago or so, after some pretty bad stuff happened... where I just didn't want to deal with life, or deal with that many people... so I buried myself in writing, music, mindless surfing... whatever... anything where I wouldn't have to deal with things. I finally forced myself out of it because I knew what I was doing to myself.

[Monker]

Some crazy depressing people here man, damn. I love hangin with people. I also like my time to myself playin guitar, watchin shows or music only I like etc. Yeah, some people are out for themselves and have ulterior motives. You live, learn, and treat those type of people as the fun types to go to a show with rather than share your life problems with in a time of distress. Arm's length friendship, if you will...

Exactly. There's a fine balance. The unbalanced ones are, as ginger said, the givers and the takers. It's fine to be both... you can take as long as you're giving something too. Relationships, friendships, whatever word you want to use, are about compromise, respect, honesty, love, mutual exchange of those things - the proverbial "give and take".

Being just one or the other is never good. If you're constantly giving and doing for others and let people get away with taking advantage of it, you get torn down in the worst way, in the end. I think this is probably my category. I can't find the balance. - edit - because I just got way misinterpreted... (:lol:) what i mean by that is I don't have nearly as much ability to take as I sometimes should....

I can't 'take' without feeling bad or guilty. People sometimes see this and take full advantage of it. They know you'll be there, that you'll help them, that you'll do whatever it is you want them to do, and they take that fact for granted and pull what they can out of you. I have to learn to accept that sometimes, people just don't have that much good in them, and stop trying to find it. Sometimes it just isn't there. I could probably save myself a lot of stress and hurt that way, and all the physical breakdown that comes with that, but I always think it isn't fair to write people off or not give them a chance. I mean we all have our bad moments, and you can't write people off for that... in fact, that's all the more reason to be there for them - that's where the love and understanding and "thereness" comes in. but when ALL there are are bad moments...

I always think well they're just going through something or maybe things will get better if.... this or that.... or they've had a bad day or something has happened...

As far as being a taker, and never giving anything, or caring about anything but themselves... well, I don't think I need to explain why that one's bad. I can't even comprehend those people, how they can be that way. I could never treat someone like that. That's how you lose people. And then the cycle of negativity continues...

This is not to claim that I'm in some way better than others, though, or that I haven't had my own bad times... we all do. But again, there's a balance. A friend might be going through a rough spot - I will put all my stuff aside and be there, if they want me to be. But when the ones who had me there and aren't there when my world goes dark... they can, to put it bluntly, go get fucked.

(see, I even feel guilty typing that about a hypothetical scenario... )

Interesting. You are talking here about what I said in my first post....Some people just rely on others to make themselves happy. It sounds like that is the type of people you are talking about here. They are relying on you to make them happy. That's not your problem. The problem is their inability to find another way to be happy without relying on others. Yes, you are sorta being a crutch. I don't think doing that for somebody is a bad thing. However, if it's a never ending circle, at some point they have to be told what they are doing or they will continue to do it.

I don't think giving is ever a bad thing...At the same time, when you do that, you can't expect anything back, or make it conditional. if you do, well, maybe you are giving something you shouldn't.

[bluejeangirl76]

I don't think giving is ever a bad thing...At the same time, when you do that, you can't expect anything back, or make it conditional. if you do, well, maybe you are giving something you shouldn't.

That's an excellent point. Personally, I don't feel like I make things conditional. And I don't do things for people expecting things in return. But once inawhile you run across a situation where you're constantly "there" for the other person and it becomes clear that you will never have that consideration back... the friend I posted about a page ago - that was what it was like with her... I mean, she was incredibly demanding of time and attention - not just with me, she did it to most of her friends... she didn't care what time of night it was, if she was upset, she was gonna call and wake my ass up... and with ANY friend, I wouldn't even mind that... ut If I had done that to her.... whoa boy....forget it. She was never real interested when other people needed an ear... that kind of thing.

Extreme situations, I think it's ok to be a little conditional. Unfortunately, if it comes to that point, I think that's going to be your sign that it's time to move on. A true, solid friendship/relationship doesn't get to that point because both parties respect each other enough and care enough not to allow it to.