Jokes!

[RossValoryRocks]

A great white shark was showing his son how to hunt humans. The father says, " First you pop your dorsal fin above the water and then you circle them for a few minutes" The son asks his father," why do we have to circle them for a few minutes?" The father shark replies, " because they taste better without shit in them!"

[TRAGChick]

How does a crazy person get out of a Forest?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
He takes the PSYCHO PATH!!! .............

[S2M]

Two old geezers were hanging out on a bench outside a honeymoon resort, when a newlywed couple entered one of the bungalows....10 minutes later the man comes out of the house with a fishing pole and starts walking away....One of the old men stops the groom and says, 'Hey pal...I noticed you and the missus checked into the honeymoon suite over there...this is your honeymoon, you should be screwing her brains out all night long'...The man says, 'Nope...couldn't possibly do that, she's got gonorrea!' The old geezers look at each other. 'Gonorrhea! Good lord man. She's got two other holes!' 'Well...the thing is she's also got diarrhea!', replies the groom. 'Hmmm...well looks to me like s there's ONE more hole left, young man!' adds the older gentleman. 'Honestly, and you ain't gonna believe me when I tell you....she's got pyorrhea as well! retorts the young man, shaking his head.

Old man #2 stands up, looks the newlywed dead in the eye and yells, 'What the fuck, son...she's got gonorrhea, diarrhea, and pyorrhea! Why the fuck did you marry her?!?!?!?'

'She's got worms too and I like to fish'.....

[Rick]

An 8 year old boy is setting on a park bench, eating one candy bar after another. An elderly gentleman is sitting across from him, watching him go. Finally the elderly gentleman, who had seen enough, says to the boy. "Son, I've sat here and watched you mow down 6 or 7 candy bars in a row. Don't you know how bad those are for you? They can rot your teeth, cause obesity, diabetes, and any manner of health problems." "My grandfather lived to be 102 years old!" replied the boy. The elderly gentleman asked "Did he eat candy bars like that?" The boy said "No! He minded his own fucking business!"

[YoungJRNY]

The Cleveland Browns.

[Saint John]

CITY OF EAST LOS ANGELES
HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM

Name: _____________________________ Gang: ___________________________


Jamaal has an AK-47 with a 40-round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attend before he has to reload?
Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $320, and 2 grams to Billy for $85 a gram. What is the street value of the remaining cocaine that he doesn't cut?
Rufus is pimping for 3 girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 a day crack habit?
Jerome wants to cut his 1/2 pound of heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need to reach his goal?
Willis gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 2 BMW's and 3 4x4's, how many Chevys will he have to steal to make $800?
Raoul is serving 6 years in prison for murder. He received $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 a month, how much money will be left when he gets out of jail, and how many years will he get for killing the bitch that spent all his money?
If the average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet, and the average letter is 0.8 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans of paint?
Hector knocked up 6 girls in his friendly neighborhood gang. If there are 27 girls in the gang, what percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up? What percentage of girls in the gang *hasn't* Hector knocked up?

[Saint John]

-------------------------

[Saint John]

What's the first symptom of AIDS?

A sharp, stabbing pain in your rectum.

[Andrew]

-------------------------

I'll do you a favor and delete that Dan. Poor poor taste.

[steveo777]

-------------------------

I'll do you a favor and delete that Dan. Poor poor taste.

We didn't exactly come here for church.

[pinkfloyd1973]

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism'
these days. So, the customer asked, "In what aisle could I
find the Polish sausage?"

The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"

The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me
ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would
you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if
I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you
ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?'

If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

The clerk says, "Well, no, I probably wouldn't!"

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well
then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish - because I asked for
Polish sausage?"

The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."

[Saint John]

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism'
these days. So, the customer asked, "In what aisle could I
find the Polish sausage?"

The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"

The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me
ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would
you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if
I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you
ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?'

If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

The clerk says, "Well, no, I probably wouldn't!"

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well
then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish - because I asked for
Polish sausage?"

The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."

[bluejeangirl76]

"Because you're in Home Depot."

That's pretty frickin' funny

I had a joke in my head the other day that I kept meaning to post on fb... and damned if I can remember it. I hate when that happens. I shall return if I think of it.

[SF-Dano]

Continuing with the Polish humor


Man walking down the field sees his polish friend digging a hole. The man asks "Why are you digging a hole?" The Polish man answers matter of factly " I need a picture." The fist man again asks " OK, but why are you digging a hole?" The Polish man answers " because I need a picture for a passport" The man says " I don't understand why you are digging a hole if you need a picture." The Polish man says " Because the picture is only to show from the waist up".


First man " Uhm? OK, then why are you now starting to dig a second hole?" Polish man " Because I need two pictures".

[bluejeangirl76]

Continuing with the Polish humor

I stole these from "All In The Family"...

Why don't they have fly swatters in Poland?

Because it's against the law to kill the national bird.


Why don't they have ice cubes in Poland?

They lost the recipe.

[RossValoryRocks]

Did you hear about the terrible tragedy that happened to the Polish hockey team? They all drowned during spring training!

[verslibre]

-------------------------

I'll do you a favor and delete that Dan. Poor poor taste.

Was it a gay joke?

[Saint John]

-------------------------

I'll do you a favor and delete that Dan. Poor poor taste.

Was it a gay joke?

I wish I could remember, but karaoke night at Applebee's did me in.

[steveo777]

-------------------------

I'll do you a favor and delete that Dan. Poor poor taste.

Was it a gay joke?

I wish I could remember, but karaoke night at Applebee's did me in.

You go to Applebees?!?!

[Saint John]

-------------------------

I'll do you a favor and delete that Dan. Poor poor taste.

Was it a gay joke?

I wish I could remember, but karaoke night at Applebee's did me in.

You go to Applebees?!?!

I'm traveling for work for 6 months, asshole. Pickings are slim.

[Behshad]

-------------------------

I'll do you a favor and delete that Dan. Poor poor taste.

Was it a gay joke?

I wish I could remember, but karaoke night at Applebee's did me in.

You go to Applebees?!?!

I'm traveling for work for 6 months, asshole. Pickings are slim.

You pick up your dates at Applebees?

[Rhiannon]

Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar... and doesn't.

[Saint John]

You pick up your dates at Applebees?

Once it gets colder and it's easier to hide the stun gun and flex cuffs under my coat, I'm gonna score. I just know it.

[Michigan Girl]

Applebee's has Karaoke?!?!

[bluejeangirl76]

Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar... and doesn't.

[Saint John]

Applebee's has Karaoke?!?!

The one in West Mifflin, PA does. Every Thursday from 9 to midnight. Come on down, ya'll.

[verslibre]

[Michigan Girl]

So the little black boy says to Momma: "Momma do I have the biggest dick in 3rd grade because I'm black?"

Momma says: " No son, you got the biggest dick in 3rd grade because you're 13."



..waiting for delete...sorry all..heard that one today and I had to share...maybe I shouldn't have..oh well.

LMAO ...I'm stealing it!!

[Michigan Girl]

CITY OF EAST LOS ANGELES
HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM

Name: _____________________________ Gang: ___________________________


Jamaal has an AK-47 with a 40-round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attend before he has to reload?
Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $320, and 2 grams to Billy for $85 a gram. What is the street value of the remaining cocaine that he doesn't cut?
Rufus is pimping for 3 girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 a day crack habit?
Jerome wants to cut his 1/2 pound of heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need to reach his goal?
Willis gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 2 BMW's and 3 4x4's, how many Chevys will he have to steal to make $800?
Raoul is serving 6 years in prison for murder. He received $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 a month, how much money will be left when he gets out of jail, and how many years will he get for killing the bitch that spent all his money?
If the average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet, and the average letter is 0.8 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans of paint?
Hector knocked up 6 girls in his friendly neighborhood gang. If there are 27 girls in the gang, what percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up? What percentage of girls in the gang *hasn't* Hector knocked up?

lol ...
I'll never remember this ...you devised this yourself, didn't you?!? ...