If you have ever tried to give a cat a pill read this

[artist4perry]

How to Give a Cat a Pill

1. Cradle the cat in the crook of your left arm.





Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth. Gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.

As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.

Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.


2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.



Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.


3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.




4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm,

holding rear paws tightly with left hand.



Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.

Hold mouth shut and count to ten.


5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.





Call spouse in from the garden.



6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees,

holding front and rear paws.



Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head

firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.

Slide pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail.


Get another pill from foil wrap.

Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.

Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth,

and set to one side for gluing later.



8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with it's

head just visible below spouse's armpit.



Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil

and blow the pill down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take the taste away.

Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm,

and remove blood from carpet with hydrogen peroxide.





10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.



Get another pill.

Open another beer.

Place cat in cupboard.

Now close door on it's neck, leaving just the head showing.

Force it's mouth open with dessert spoon.

Shoot the pill down it's throat with a rubber band.


11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on its hinges.

Drink beer.

Fetch bottle of scotch.

Pour shot, drink.



Apply cold compress to cheek,

and check records for date of last tetanus shot.

Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.

Toss back another shot.

Discard shredded tee-shirt, and fetch new one from bedroom.


12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat

from the top of the tree across the road.

Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.



Take last pill from foil wrap.


13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed,

tie the little bastard's front paws to it's rear paws with garden twine, and bind tightly to leg of dining table.

Push pill into mouth followed by a chunk of Albacore Tuna.

Hold it's head vertically and pour two pints of water down it's throat.





14. Consume remainder of scotch.

Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room.

Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from your right eye.

Call furniture shop to order new table.



15. Arrange for vet tech to medicate mutant cat from hell.

Call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.




How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

[conversationpc]

There is SOOOOOOOOO much truth to that. My wife's cat was easy. My cat, who's the oldest one now, almost fits that description to a "T".

[Saint John]

Here's an easier way:

-Place cat in plastic bag.

-Tie plastic bag.

-Let stand for 30 minutes.

-Remove cat from bag.

-Place pill in mouth.

[conversationpc]

Here's an easier way:

-Place cat in plastic bag.

-Tie plastic bag.

-Let stand for 30 minutes.

-Remove cat from bag.

-Place pill in mouth.

Unless you tied the cat's legs together, I'm pretty sure that bag would be shredded long before the 30 minutes was up.

[artist4perry]

I have two cats that need daily meds. Daisy, is easy. wrap in cheese.........she loves cheese. Groucho has a powder twice a day, so I mix with his food. But heaven help us if Dixie needs meds. She is the one who bit me so bad I had to go to the doctor. Even the vet hates taking care of her when she doesn't want to cooperate!

I just found this to be funny.

Note the dog.......wrap in bacon and toss in the air. LOL

[conversationpc]

I have two cats that need daily meds. Daisy, is easy. wrap in cheese.........she loves cheese. Groucho has a powder twice a day, so I mix with his food. But heaven help us if Dixie needs meds. She is the one who bit me so bad I had to go to the doctor. Even the vet hates taking care of her when she doesn't want to cooperate!

I just found this to be funny.

Note the dog.......wrap in bacon and toss in the air. LOL

With my wife's former cat, we just popped her mouth open and pressed the pill against the back of her mouth and that was it. No cheese, meat, etc.

[Saint John]

Here's an easier way:

-Place cat in plastic bag.

-Tie plastic bag.

-Let stand for 30 minutes.

-Remove cat from bag.

-Place pill in mouth.

Unless you tied the cat's legs together, I'm pretty sure that bag would be shredded long before the 30 minutes was up.

This would certainly make an odd Hefty commercial.

[conversationpc]

Here's an easier way:

-Place cat in plastic bag.

-Tie plastic bag.

-Let stand for 30 minutes.

-Remove cat from bag.

-Place pill in mouth.

Unless you tied the cat's legs together, I'm pretty sure that bag would be shredded long before the 30 minutes was up.

This would certainly make an odd Hefty commercial.

[Arianddu]

I have two cats that need daily meds. Daisy, is easy. wrap in cheese.........she loves cheese. Groucho has a powder twice a day, so I mix with his food. But heaven help us if Dixie needs meds. She is the one who bit me so bad I had to go to the doctor. Even the vet hates taking care of her when she doesn't want to cooperate!

I just found this to be funny.

Note the dog.......wrap in bacon and toss in the air. LOL

Next time she needs a tablet, gets some liverwurst and stick the tablet inside a ball of it. It's sticky enough that if the cat wants the liverwurst (and I've never met a cat that doesn't) she'll have to take the tablet too.

[Journey Mom]

My cat has an incurable, but controllable, disease. She'll be taking prednisone every other day until we get a hard frost. I don't even try giving her the pill. I crush it up and mix it into some tuna. She very happily eats it without even realizing she's getting drugged. Makes life much easier for both of us.

[TRAGChick]

LMAO.....ain't THAT the truth!

I love the results after each try..."Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa."

As a Cat and Dog owner, I can confirm:
Yup....just wrap whatever the dog has to have in a tasty treat & toss. That's it.

[conversationpc]

LMAO.....ain't THAT the truth!

I love the results after each try..."Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa."

As a Cat and Dog owner, I can confirm:
Yup....just wrap whatever the dog has to have in a tasty treat & toss. That's it.

Actually, with my dog, you don't even have to put the pill in anything. He wants to eat everything anyway, i.e. food, household items, other animals' poop, etc.

[scarygirl]

LMAO.....ain't THAT the truth!

I love the results after each try..."Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa."

As a Cat and Dog owner, I can confirm:
Yup....just wrap whatever the dog has to have in a tasty treat & toss. That's it.

Actually, with my dog, you don't even have to put the pill in anything. He wants to eat everything anyway, i.e. food, household items, other animals' poop, etc.

They will eat anything. My friend's dog pooped a plastic bag today right before my eyes.

[artist4perry]

I thought it was funny how much this writers drinking and cursing escalated as his frustration giving this mean smart feline a pill. Cats are smarter than most people know. Some cannot be fooled easily. They can also be one of the most obstinate animals on the planet. I own 4 right now. I am a glutton for punishment, but I love each of their quirky personalities. No two cats in our home are the same.

Dixie: Calico with a sweet disposition unless your someone strange in the house. Then she becomes Psycho Kitty.

Daisy: Sweet but painfully shy. She has an enlarged heart, but can be conned with a pill wrapped in cheese.

Groucho: Black and white spotted short hair. Fun loving character who loves to swipe at your pants when you walk by a chair. He is lovable and sweet. He never can get enough petting.

Our new cat Cloe: Gentle sweet, loves to head butt you for affection. We just gave away her last kitten. She is going to be fixed and become part of our family. She is an American Short hair with a bulls eye on her side.

[JRNYMAN]

I literally had tears rolling down my cheeks reading that! At one point I was laughing so hard and loud my wife turned around from her computer, disgusted, and said, "Really...? It's THAT funny? Really...?!" and turned back around shaking her head, which of course made me laugh even more...

As much as I dislike admitting it, we're cat people. Not the weird kind of cat people who dress them up and have tea parties with them or have conversations with and about them when we have company over, I mean we've got a few and for 25 of the 26 years my wife and I have been married, we've always had at least 2. We currently have 5 - only 3 of which are actually ours and come in the house. The other 2 sorta adopted us thanks to my big-hearted wife who feels it's her duty to feed anything and anyone who steps foot on our property - whether they're actually hungry or not and whether they have the means to obtain nourishment or not. If you were a cat and got a can of food served to you every time you went into a certain yard you'd stick around too!
So, having the number of cats we have over the past quarter century, we've had our share of situations which required medicating one of the little bastards at some point or another and I can personally attest to how close to dead-on accurate this is! I've seen cats calmer locked in a room with a vacuum cleaner going!

Thanks for posting this! I haven't laughed that hard in quite a while.

Steve

[artist4perry]

I literally had tears rolling down my cheeks reading that! At one point I was laughing so hard and loud my wife turned around from her computer, disgusted, and said, "Really...? It's THAT funny? Really...?!" and turned back around shaking her head, which of course made me laugh even more...

As much as I dislike admitting it, we're cat people. Not the weird kind of cat people who dress them up and have tea parties with them or have conversations with and about them when we have company over, I mean we've got a few and for 25 of the 26 years my wife and I have been married, we've always had at least 2. We currently have 5 - only 3 of which are actually ours and come in the house. The other 2 sorta adopted us thanks to my big-hearted wife who feels it's her duty to feed anything and anyone who steps foot on our property - whether they're actually hungry or not and whether they have the means to obtain nourishment or not. If you were a cat and got a can of food served to you every time you went into a certain yard you'd stick around too!
So, having the number of cats we have over the past quarter century, we've had our share of situations which required medicating one of the little bastards at some point or another and I can personally attest to how close to dead-on accurate this is! I've seen cats calmer locked in a room with a vacuum cleaner going!

Thanks for posting this! I haven't laughed that hard in quite a while.

Steve

I hear ya Steve. I own 4 myself. Personally I would only have one or two. The other two my kind hearted husband could not allow to be homeless and abused so he adopted them off the street. I presently have a no more cats policy. I love them with my whole heart. Each one adds fun and companionship to our home. But I don't want more cats than I have home.
Glad it gave you a laugh, it did me too. I also laughed out loud.

[WiseOldTabbyCat]

De-worming my cat's a four man job. One to clutch her down, two to open her mouth and one to pop the pill at the back of her throat. Simples.

[Arianddu]

I hear ya Steve. I own 4 myself.

Sigh - that sounds nice. Personally, I am permitted to share my cat's house, provided my opposable thumbs and I keep his food bowl filled regularly. He owns the dogs.

[artist4perry]

I hear ya Steve. I own 4 myself.

Sigh - that sounds nice. Personally, I am permitted to share my cat's house, provided my opposable thumbs and I keep his food bowl filled regularly. He owns the dogs.

That is what they want to think. LOL But with 4 the pecking order changes even among each other.