with love and appreciation

[No Surprize]

i want to put enough together so wyatt will know his daddy. i gotta say, dean was an amazing father to wyatt. he truly devoted himself to raising wyatt and his absence is so obvious in that little boy's life. i'm trying, but a boy needs his father.

Lula...

This sentiment simply wrenches my heart. I know from my interactions with Dean that he adored that little boy. I have zero doubt that you are going to do an amazing job raising that little boy and ensuring that he always knows how much his Daddy loved him. My boy will be 6 in October, and I never allow a day to pass without my son knowing that I love him more than anything, and how important it is to me that he ALWAYS knows this. It's moments like these that remind me why I make it such a priority to express the love I have for my children. I have no doubt that Wyatt knows his Daddy loved him, and my heart breaks for that little man. I know that you're in a very difficult situation (even having to try to explain to such a young child what happened to his Dad), but I know you'll get through this. We're all here if you need an ear to bend or just some friendly advice.

Since he came into my life there has never been a day or at night that I haven't gave my son a hug and told him I love you and I'm always on your side. He's 16 now but I still do it even in front of his friends. He's turned into a fine young man with a good head and a bigger heart. John, you doing it the right way. Spend as much time as you can with them. They grow up way to fast.

[Enigma869]

Since he came into my life there has never been a day or at night that I haven't gave my son a hug and told him I love you and I'm always on your side. He's 16 now but I still do it even in front of his friends. He's turned into a fine young man with a good head and a bigger heart. John, you doing it the right way. Spend as much time as you can with them. They grow up way to fast.

I applaud you for raising a fine young man. Not enough parents care enough. I'll never understand how one's children are not always their top priority. I understand that it's not always easy. Being a dad is the toughest job I've ever had in my life. It's also the best job I've ever had in my life. I've been fortunate in my life to be well educated, have a great job, a superb wife, and my health. None of it matters to me as much as my children do.

[Lula]

thank you John. I think the hardest thing so far has been Wyatt asking "how can daddy take care of me if he's not here?"

Friday night Wyatt was up all night, vomit every hour for 12 hours. Got through it, but then it got me Sunday night. I tell ya, a time like this exemplifies Dean's absence. He was always an excellent caregiver. wow, it's been a month today. God knows we miss him so very much.

[Enigma869]

thank you John. I think the hardest thing so far has been Wyatt asking "how can daddy take care of me if he's not here?"

Whoa. What a question for a little boy to ask. I can't even imagine how you answered that, Lula. Sometimes, life just isn't fair.

Friday night Wyatt was up all night, vomit every hour for 12 hours. Got through it, but then it got me Sunday night. I tell ya, a time like this exemplifies Dean's absence. He was always an excellent caregiver. wow, it's been a month today. God knows we miss him so very much.

I can't imagine the void you're feeling. Dean's loss hit me right between the eyes and it really put my life in perspective. I really miss that dude

[Melissa]

Lula I admire your strength so much in the huge loss that you and Wyatt now face in your lives. Motherhood (and fatherhood) is so amazing but also a tough journey, one that no one can even begin to understand until they make that journey also. And as a mother I've always admired the absolute grace of your motherhood of that sweet boy. I wish you and Wyatt continued peace and comfort to surround you at all times.

[SusieP]

Lula,
I was 10 when my Daddy died. He was 49. His heart just gave out. There had been no prior signs that he had a heart condition. So it was sudden and it was unexpected.

I know Wyatt is way younger so it will be different for him than it was for me, but

even though my Mother really struggled to make ends meet as a single mother [she never remarried even though she was only 39 when Dad passed]

she taught by example how to be strong and how to work hard and she always talked about my Dad with love.

I was left in no doubt that my father loved me, and that he was a good man. Telling me that throughout my life helped me cope, even though I only had a few memories of my Father. Of course I yearned for a father when other kids would say stuff [especially at Christmas time] like 'My Dad got me this, my Dad said this' etc etc - oh yes that cut to the core. Oh it hurt so much. And if I'm honest it took me about two years before I was truly able to push the emotions down.
But I got through it.
You and Wyatt will too.

No one says it will be easy. It isn't.
But with love, support and inner strength, you will get through it. You have great inner strength. And you have people who love you and you have people who will support you.

You know what you have to do - and you will do it, but you will get weary and sometimes you will feel sad and alone even though you know people are there for you.

That's when you must turn to the people both you and Dean know.
That's when you must come to them [us] for help. Do not think people have their own lives and no longer have time to spare for you.

You are not alone.
Never forget that.
People do have their own lives, but they will always have time to spare for you - they just hang back waiting for you to say, 'help me' because they don't want to intrude if you are doing fine on your own.
They may not see the signs that you need help either, that does not mean they are shutting you out. It just means they haven't realised.

So never be afraid to ask for help.


And keep on doing what you are doing.
You are an inspiring woman.

The job you do, the way you handled Dean, the way you coped over Trevor and how you coped with Wyatt and how you are handling yourself now.
Your dignity in bereavement is something to be admired.

You are a class act, Lula.

And Dean would be, no, he IS very proud of you.



Let the tears out. That too is therapy.

And you know where we all are if you need us.


xxxxx

[KenTheDude]

^^^ That was an awesome post.

[Michigan Girl]

^^^ That was an awesome post.

brought a tear ...who knows better than people who've walked
in your shoes ...very touching, Susie!!

[SusieP]

I just hope it helps Lula and Wyatt - and anyone else who might need it.



I wish I could have helped Deano.

I really do.

[YoungJRNY]

Lula,
I was 10 when my Daddy died. He was 49. His heart just gave out. There had been no prior signs that he had a heart condition. So it was sudden and it was unexpected.

I know Wyatt is way younger so it will be different for him than it was for me, but

even though my Mother really struggled to make ends meet as a single mother [she never remarried even though she was only 39 when Dad passed]

she taught by example how to be strong and how to work hard and she always talked about my Dad with love.

I was left in no doubt that my father loved me, and that he was a good man. Telling me that throughout my life helped me cope, even though I only had a few memories of my Father. Of course I yearned for a father when other kids would say stuff [especially at Christmas time] like 'My Dad got me this, my Dad said this' etc etc - oh yes that cut to the core. Oh it hurt so much. And if I'm honest it took me about two years before I was truly able to push the emotions down.
But I got through it.
You and Wyatt will too.

No one says it will be easy. It isn't.
But with love, support and inner strength, you will get through it. You have great inner strength. And you have people who love you and you have people who will support you.

You know what you have to do - and you will do it, but you will get weary and sometimes you will feel sad and alone even though you know people are there for you.

That's when you must turn to the people both you and Dean know.
That's when you must come to them [us] for help. Do not think people have their own lives and no longer have time to spare for you.

You are not alone.
Never forget that.
People do have their own lives, but they will always have time to spare for you - they just hang back waiting for you to say, 'help me' because they don't want to intrude if you are doing fine on your own.
They may not see the signs that you need help either, that does not mean they are shutting you out. It just means they haven't realised.

So never be afraid to ask for help.


And keep on doing what you are doing.
You are an inspiring woman.

The job you do, the way you handled Dean, the way you coped over Trevor and how you coped with Wyatt and how you are handling yourself now.
Your dignity in bereavement is something to be admired.

You are a class act, Lula.

And Dean would be, no, he IS very proud of you.



Let the tears out. That too is therapy.

And you know where we all are if you need us.


xxxxx

Very nice post. When I think of a little one losing their father, it tears me apart. When I saw Stu's thread when Dean passed away, I think I stared at it before opening it up for a good half an hour. I didn't want to believe it and I had this very weird feeling going through my body that night.

I have such a tight-knit relationship with my father that it's very difficult to even think about something happening to him or my mother. That would viciously rip my heart right out of me with fear of it never returning.

My girlfriend lost her father when she was 15 years old and still grieves a little bit with that now and then and that's hard for me to see because I know I can only say or do so much to ease the pain she is feeling when she goes through spurts.

We've been together for 6 years and when we were together around the 3 year mark, she was helping me with my morning delivery route at 5'oclock in the morning. It was the morning of Father's Day. After being delusional and tired, my mind completely brain farted and as I was being goofy, I said "It just can't be a bad day today, I mean, it's FATHER'S DAY!" As soon as I said it, my heart sank and realized what I just done. The next hour or so was just giving her my shoulder to soak on. I felt like crap for that simple comment for atleast 2 weeks. My father, however, adores her and they have a very nice relationship within' their own personalities so that makes me feel great that he takes her under his wing when she's around.

It will be a road long takin, Lula, & the hurt may never go away, no matter how weak it may seem, especially watching the little guy grow up and Dean not being present. But I promise you that as time goes on and you watch Wyatt grow, the more proud and happier you will be of the times you've spent with Dean and how he nurtured and cared for his little boy and the love he had for you and his family. That will bring much comfort no matter how much sorrow is felt. Stay strong.

[Behshad]

I just hope it helps Lula and Wyatt - and anyone else who might need it.



I wish I could have helped Deano.

I really do.

Helped him with what ?
He did great on his own. He had friends and family. I dont think you could have prevented this sad tragedy with your help. so dont feel bad that way.
I just wish I would have met him !

[SusieP]

I just hope it helps Lula and Wyatt - and anyone else who might need it.



I wish I could have helped Deano.

I really do.

Helped him with what ?
He did great on his own. He had friends and family. I don't think you could have prevented this sad tragedy with your help. so don't feel bad that way.
I just wish I would have met him !

I know health conditions can't be helped by us all chatting on a message board, but people have Demons. Maybe sometimes we can help with them. You know, Behshad. You know.

xxx

[Behshad]

I just hope it helps Lula and Wyatt - and anyone else who might need it.



I wish I could have helped Deano.

I really do.

Helped him with what ?
He did great on his own. He had friends and family. I don't think you could have prevented this sad tragedy with your help. so don't feel bad that way.
I just wish I would have met him !

I know health conditions can't be helped by us all chatting on a message board, but people have Demons. Maybe sometimes we can help with them. You know, Behshad. You know.

xxx

But he did battle his demons just fine and won over and over. He kicked his demons sorry ass and was on his way to a much better life that he deserved.

[Lula]

oops, Susie i commented on this encouraging post in the wrong thread lol. i so appreciate all the support you have been giving me. i never tire of your PMs.

Dean's demons did not win, but they did not go away. Dean was not fine, he had a long road ahead but was on it and moving forward. what hurts most is that he wanted to beat the pain pill dependence, but i fear the toll on his heart from that and diabetes caught up.

we had a great family weekend with a visit to target for bike stuff on saturday and a bbq on sunday. Dean worked on our bikes and was his jovial self. That man stayed up all night putting my bike together for Christmas, I will cherish it always. Wyatt's bike was easier lol.

we had a conversation before i went to bed, it was a positive one on moving forward and being a healthy family. he was even going to go back to church with me! i suppose we just have to accept when it's our time, it's out time. death is so much more difficult for the living.

[Enigma869]

Dean was not fine, he had a long road ahead but was on it and moving forward. what hurts most is that he wanted to beat the pain pill dependence, but i fear the toll on his heart from that and diabetes caught up.

we had a great family weekend with a visit to target for bike stuff on saturday and a bbq on sunday. Dean worked on our bikes and was his jovial self. That man stayed up all night putting my bike together for Christmas, I will cherish it always. Wyatt's bike was easier lol.

we had a conversation before i went to bed, it was a positive one on moving forward and being a healthy family. he was even going to go back to church with me! i suppose we just have to accept when it's our time, it's out time. death is so much more difficult for the living.

I didn't realize Dean had Diabetes. My dad was an insulin-dependent Diabetic and he passed away in 1985, when I was 14 (and on June 15th, which just happened to be Father's Day that year). Diabetes is a fucking WRETCHED disease that I'm not sure most really understand how serious of a condition it is. I think it's amazingly comforting to know that you have that awesome memory of Dean putting your bike together on Christmas.

I never told you this story, but Dean sent me a PM years ago (after I posted a picture of my wife when my son was a baby) telling me how lucky both he and I were because we both had "hot chicks", who looked exactly alike. He was always amused that my wife looked just like you, in his opinion. He thought it was absolutely necessary (as only Dean could) that the four of us get together. The only person who ever made me laugh more than Dean was George Carlin, and that is VERY high praise, given that Carlin was the most brilliant comedian who ever walked the earth.

[SusieP]

I just hope it helps Lula and Wyatt - and anyone else who might need it.



I wish I could have helped Deano.

I really do.

Helped him with what ?
He did great on his own. He had friends and family. I don't think you could have prevented this sad tragedy with your help. so don't feel bad that way.
I just wish I would have met him !

I know health conditions can't be helped by us all chatting on a message board, but people have Demons. Maybe sometimes we can help with them. You know, Behshad. You know.

xxx

But he did battle his demons just fine and won over and over. He kicked his demons sorry ass and was on his way to a much better life that he deserved.

Aaah but he hadn't quite battled his Demons, Behshad. And his health problems made it difficult for him to get off the pain medications.

I've been on here a few years now but haven't really opened up on the main forum.
But now this dreadful loss has happened, I feel able to say stuff which I have experienced which just might help Lula in her noble struggle to cope with her own loss and to help her son get through without his Daddy.

When I said I wished I could have helped Dean I mean with getting off the pain medications.

I just opened up to everyone about losing my Daddy, and here's another one....

Some years ago I was involved in an accident. I won't bore with details, but my left foot was partially severed. The Talus bone which holds the foot together and takes all the weight of the body was almost smashed to smithereens. My calf bone shattered and a large piece of bone was sticking out at right angles and my foot was hanging off.
My thigh bone had been forced back into my pelvis.
It took almost two years to get all of that fixed.
I was told I would lose my foot.
Then I was told I would never walk again.
Through all of this time I had to have strong anti inflammatory drugs and painkillers.
It took all my inner strength to fight what the Doctors were telling me.
And once I was walking again, it took even more inner strength to wean myself off the pain medication.

I take no pain meds.
I can walk.
I have a screw, pins and wires holding my foot together. I get constant cramp feelings, occasional stabbing pains and arthritis in the foot. It also kills me when the weather is damp.

But the point is - I weaned myself off the strong pain medication and manage to have a very good quality of life despite chronic pain.



THATs what I wish I had been able to help Dean with.

And if I had been able to make just a little difference, maybe Lula wouldn't be going through this.

That's what I meant Behshad - but I guess it couldn't really be clear unless I told you the full story.



I didn't tell it because I don't want to make this about me.
I just want to try and help a classy lady cope with what life has thrown at her.

And I'm hoping that because I have walked a path that has some similarities, that I can be of help.

[SusieP]

oops, Susie i commented on this encouraging post in the wrong thread lol. i so appreciate all the support you have been giving me. i never tire of your PMs.

Dean's demons did not win, but they did not go away. Dean was not fine, he had a long road ahead but was on it and moving forward. what hurts most is that he wanted to beat the pain pill dependence, but i fear the toll on his heart from that and diabetes caught up.

we had a great family weekend with a visit to target for bike stuff on saturday and a bbq on sunday. Dean worked on our bikes and was his jovial self. That man stayed up all night putting my bike together for Christmas, I will cherish it always. Wyatt's bike was easier lol.

we had a conversation before i went to bed, it was a positive one on moving forward and being a healthy family. he was even going to go back to church with me! i suppose we just have to accept when it's our time, it's out time. death is so much more difficult for the living.

Thanks for your comments Lu, [I did see your comment in the other thread, too.]


See my post above in reply to B.



Yes death IS so much more difficult for the living.
And while you are still feeling raw it is hard to see that a passing from heart problems is usually quick and therefore your loved one didn't suffer a lingering death like those poor souls with cancers.
This is no comfort just now, but in time it will be.


And although it must be hard for you to stay strong for your little boy when you are suffering too, if you keep telling him with love all about his Daddy, he will come through.

But you know that instinctively.
I feel that you know.

xxxx

[Lula]

thank you susie <3

[Lula]

Lula I admire your strength so much in the huge loss that you and Wyatt now face in your lives. Motherhood (and fatherhood) is so amazing but also a tough journey, one that no one can even begin to understand until they make that journey also. And as a mother I've always admired the absolute grace of your motherhood of that sweet boy. I wish you and Wyatt continued peace and comfort to surround you at all times.

wow, what a wonderful thing to say. thank you so much.

[SusieP]

Love this new photo, Lula.


Rockindeano and Rockinwyatt.

It's lovely.

Hasn't he grown!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????


How you doing today?
xxx

[mikemarrs]

oops, Susie i commented on this encouraging post in the wrong thread lol. i so appreciate all the support you have been giving me. i never tire of your PMs.

Dean's demons did not win, but they did not go away. Dean was not fine, he had a long road ahead but was on it and moving forward. what hurts most is that he wanted to beat the pain pill dependence, but i fear the toll on his heart from that and diabetes caught up.

we had a great family weekend with a visit to target for bike stuff on saturday and a bbq on sunday. Dean worked on our bikes and was his jovial self. That man stayed up all night putting my bike together for Christmas, I will cherish it always. Wyatt's bike was easier lol.

we had a conversation before i went to bed, it was a positive one on moving forward and being a healthy family. he was even going to go back to church with me! i suppose we just have to accept when it's our time, it's out time. death is so much more difficult for the living.

In the last few months of 2011 me and Dean had Pm's back and forth about depression and the pain pills.The last couple years off and on we discussed this.I was very heavily hooked on the pain pills and they are opiates and me and Dean both were debating about how opiates could help a person feel better who was battling depression.Anyway he was really having a hard time at that point with the depression.I never delved too deep or asked him what was bothering him though but i do know he told me it was rough.I then told him after many years that i was going to get help and get off the pills once and for all before i lost my family.So in December i left and got help after twelve straight years of heavy use.

When i came back here in the first week of March after three months away Dean was the first person i was going to look for because i wanted to let him and everyone here know i got the help i needed because it was known that i had a pretty bad pain addiction.I wanted to let Dean know that hey man i beat this now maybe you could too since i did it.I was really looking forward to letting him know this and after a minute or so i looked up at the sticky and saw where Dean had passed and it really broke my heart because at first i did assume that maybe he might've finally took too much or something but someone here let me know he had a heart attack that it was not anything drug related and that in his last few weeks he was also doing really well and fighting his demons and winning.

Just wanted to wish you and Wyatt peace and comfort.

[mikemarrs]

I just hope it helps Lula and Wyatt - and anyone else who might need it.



I wish I could have helped Deano.

I really do.

Helped him with what ?
He did great on his own. He had friends and family. I don't think you could have prevented this sad tragedy with your help. so don't feel bad that way.
I just wish I would have met him !

I know health conditions can't be helped by us all chatting on a message board, but people have Demons. Maybe sometimes we can help with them. You know, Behshad. You know.

xxx

But he did battle his demons just fine and won over and over. He kicked his demons sorry ass and was on his way to a much better life that he deserved.

Aaah but he hadn't quite battled his Demons, Behshad. And his health problems made it difficult for him to get off the pain medications.

I've been on here a few years now but haven't really opened up on the main forum.
But now this dreadful loss has happened, I feel able to say stuff which I have experienced which just might help Lula in her noble struggle to cope with her own loss and to help her son get through without his Daddy.

When I said I wished I could have helped Dean I mean with getting off the pain medications.

I just opened up to everyone about losing my Daddy, and here's another one....

Some years ago I was involved in an accident. I won't bore with details, but my left foot was partially severed. The Talus bone which holds the foot together and takes all the weight of the body was almost smashed to smithereens. My calf bone shattered and a large piece of bone was sticking out at right angles and my foot was hanging off.
My thigh bone had been forced back into my pelvis.
It took almost two years to get all of that fixed.
I was told I would lose my foot.
Then I was told I would never walk again.
Through all of this time I had to have strong anti inflammatory drugs and painkillers.
It took all my inner strength to fight what the Doctors were telling me.
And once I was walking again, it took even more inner strength to wean myself off the pain medication.

I take no pain meds.
I can walk.
I have a screw, pins and wires holding my foot together. I get constant cramp feelings, occasional stabbing pains and arthritis in the foot. It also kills me when the weather is damp.

But the point is - I weaned myself off the strong pain medication and manage to have a very good quality of life despite chronic pain.



THATs what I wish I had been able to help Dean with.

And if I had been able to make just a little difference, maybe Lula wouldn't be going through this.

That's what I meant Behshad - but I guess it couldn't really be clear unless I told you the full story.



I didn't tell it because I don't want to make this about me.
I just want to try and help a classy lady cope with what life has thrown at her.

And I'm hoping that because I have walked a path that has some similarities, that I can be of help.

It is hard.You did the right thing.I went through 11 years of hell on the pain meds and nearly lost everything.Finally got help but i won't lie it is a very hard struggle to stay on the straight path especially when you have bad days.I just have to take things one day at a time.

[SusieP]

Eleven years is a heck of a long time.
You are doing great.

Yes you have to take one day at a time, and you have to give us a shout out on here when you need help.

For me, the key to dealing with the chronic pain and the urge to take medicine was distraction.
If I distracted myself from thought about having pain - the pain wasn't there.
If I distracted myself from thought about wanting medicine - I didn't want any.

So, distraction is the key.

So talking to people about all kinds of other stuff can help.

I'm also glad you and Dean were able to help each other regarding this.

That's a good thing.

[Red13JoePa]

Love that pic of Dean.
Dude was NEVER w/out his Wazzu swag.

[Lula]

Love that pic of Dean.
Dude was NEVER w/out his Wazzu swag.

we were tailgating before the Wazzu/UCLA game at the rose bowl. we had a great time.