Hard topic: Race

[Michigan Girl]

This is not simple at all, I'm not going to pretend it is ... I don't know
the answer nor do I know how I'd react to this?!? Would I still love them, YES!!
Same as if they were gay, it would take a minute to adjust to the news ...but love
does not go away.

How old?

hurr hurr

lol ...
They are old enough to get a kick out
of you!!



Rick, I'm curious as to what prompted this question?!?
I ask because answering it really kinda forces one to take
a good look at themselves ...were you trying to take a good
look at us?!? I might need therapy

No, we were discussing it at work, and I thought it would make for a good topic here, and I did want to know what the consensus here thinks about it versus what my coworkers do. Everyone seems to have the same opinion on it, for the most part

Ah, I see ...I was watching an episode of the Jefferson's as I was getting ready for work,
and you know the zebra, honkey, Uncle Tom topic always came up, whomever was guesting on this particular
episode stated, "in 1000 years America would be one race anyway" ...that episode was dated 1977.

I've also discussed the interracial relationship thing w/folks ,black, white, women, men...black women, in particular, seem to resent
their men being attracted to white women. It's all very interesting, sometimes you think
you feel a certain way until someone throws you off w/a question.

[The Sushi Hunter]

What I would like to know is, how many of you who have answered are actually married to someone outside of your own race? It's one thing to say you'd "allow" and another when you have actually "done" it.

My wife is Japanese so I'm married outside my own race. How many main stream politicans who preach equality amoung races and govern the country under the same ideal are married outside their own race? Talk is cheap, leading by example isn't.

[Yoda]

The skin color wouldn't bother me, honestly.

[annpea]

I have no problem with it you only live one time so why miss out on friendship or even love just because of the color of a person's skin.

[The Sushi Hunter]

I have no problem with it you only live one time so why miss out on friendship or even love just because of the color of a person's skin.

The thing is most of you just focus on the "skin color" as to what makes people different from each other. There is a whole lot more to it then just that.

[AR]

I have no problem with it you only live one time so why miss out on friendship or even love just because of the color of a person's skin.

The thing is most of you just focus on the "skin color" as to what makes people different from each other. There is a whole lot more to it then just that.

"Mind if we dance with your dates?"

[JRNYMAN]

Well, I can speak from experience on this one. When my daughters were just starting to get to that point where they started noticing boys as something other than annoying and despicable, my wife and I sat down with them and laid out the ground rules as they applied to boys et al. Included was the rule that dating outside their own race was not allowed. Period. At that point in time, they didn't really ask any questions about the why's and wherefore's. That lasted for a couple of years until the boy-pool began to get a bit crowded with other girls and soon there weren't as many to choose from as there were before. And although my oldest daughter wasn't really serious about any one boy in particular due to her playing 3 sports, student council, and various church youth group activities, we did notice the boys in her circle of friends tended to mostly black boys.
I'll skip the "events" that occurred between then and her current situation.
She started going out with this one particular boy without my knowledge and it got pretty serious. One day I ran into them at the mall sitting in the food court making goo-goo eyes at each other and kissing and what not. They didn't see me and not wanting to embarrass my daughter, I decided to discuss it with her when she got home. I told her I had seen her and the boy earlier and asked her what was up. She confessed that she had been seeing Matt for a while and that he was the only guy she was interested in and the same was true for him and that she wanted to talk to me about it but didn;t know how to approach it. I reaffirmed the rules I had already set forth and told her she had to end it. She started to melt down and I wouldn't hear anymore about it. Then she said she loved him to which I said, that's too bad. It's your fault for breaking the rules and if you had done what I said, she wouldn't be in that situation." WRONG MOVE DUDE!
She then went into full-on MELTDOWN mode! She wouldn't speak to me for days. She tried to get my wife on her side but thankfully she remained loyal to me. She tried several times to talk to me about the situation but I refused.
After about a week she was literally making herself sick and we got a call from her guidance counselor asking if Jess was on any medications or under a doctor's care.
Damn! This was getting serious!
I decided to talk to her about it and find out what it was about this boy that was so important to her.
I could tell by the way she talked about him that he was something special and must be treating her pretty well for her to have fallen so hard for him. I agreed to have him come over and meet us and have a little sit-down.
I'll wrap up this novel by just saying this kid destroyed any stereotypes I may have subscribed to prior. He was a fantastic kid with a 4.0 GPA, he was well spoken and articulate, his parents are both working professionals and very upstanding, and he had 2 scholarships waiting for him as soon as he graduated high school. I agreed to let them date and the more I got to know Matt and witnessed just how much he respected her as well as my wife and I, the more I was won over by him.
Both of them turned 21 in June and are still together - exclusively. I couldn't have asked for a better serious, long-term boyfriend for my oldest daughter than the one she chose in Matt. We love him like a son and have considered him part of the family for a ling time now.

[conversationpc]

Well, I can speak from experience on this one. When my daughters were just starting to get to that point where they started noticing boys as something other than annoying and despicable, my wife and I sat down with them and laid out the ground rules as they applied to boys et al. Included was the rule that dating outside their own race was not allowed. Period. At that point in time, they didn't really ask any questions about the why's and wherefore's. That lasted for a couple of years until the boy-pool began to get a bit crowded with other girls and soon there weren't as many to choose from as there were before. And although my oldest daughter wasn't really serious about any one boy in particular due to her playing 3 sports, student council, and various church youth group activities, we did notice the boys in her circle of friends tended to mostly black boys.
I'll skip the "events" that occurred between then and her current situation.
She started going out with this one particular boy without my knowledge and it got pretty serious. One day I ran into them at the mall sitting in the food court making goo-goo eyes at each other and kissing and what not. They didn't see me and not wanting to embarrass my daughter, I decided to discuss it with her when she got home. I told her I had seen her and the boy earlier and asked her what was up. She confessed that she had been seeing Matt for a while and that he was the only guy she was interested in and the same was true for him and that she wanted to talk to me about it but didn;t know how to approach it. I reaffirmed the rules I had already set forth and told her she had to end it. She started to melt down and I wouldn't hear anymore about it. Then she said she loved him to which I said, that's too bad. It's your fault for breaking the rules and if you had done what I said, she wouldn't be in that situation." WRONG MOVE DUDE!
She then went into full-on MELTDOWN mode! She wouldn't speak to me for days. She tried to get my wife on her side but thankfully she remained loyal to me. She tried several times to talk to me about the situation but I refused.
After about a week she was literally making herself sick and we got a call from her guidance counselor asking if Jess was on any medications or under a doctor's care.
Damn! This was getting serious!
I decided to talk to her about it and find out what it was about this boy that was so important to her.
I could tell by the way she talked about him that he was something special and must be treating her pretty well for her to have fallen so hard for him. I agreed to have him come over and meet us and have a little sit-down.
I'll wrap up this novel by just saying this kid destroyed any stereotypes I may have subscribed to prior. He was a fantastic kid with a 4.0 GPA, he was well spoken and articulate, his parents are both working professionals and very upstanding, and he had 2 scholarships waiting for him as soon as he graduated high school. I agreed to let them date and the more I got to know Matt and witnessed just how much he respected her as well as my wife and I, the more I was won over by him.
Both of them turned 21 in June and are still together - exclusively. I couldn't have asked for a better serious, long-term boyfriend for my oldest daughter than the one she chose in Matt. We love him like a son and have considered him part of the family for a ling time now.

That rocks, man! Good on ya.

[Michigan Girl]

It's a beautiful story, but one he had to experience for himself ...if someone
had asked the above posted question prior to this experience, his answer
would have been "NO", no?!?

[JRNYMAN]

It's a beautiful story, but one he had to experience for himself ...if someone
had asked the above posted question prior to this experience, his answer
would have been "NO", no?!?

Actually no. I'll explain....
As I stated in my post above, the rule was no dating outside our race. But, what I didn't include was the final two words to the statement: "for now", which my wife and I decided was best at the time. We wanted them to experience a little bit more of life in general and get a feel for the landscape around them before jumping headlong into a relationship with someone of another race. Ultimately, the choices my kids make including with whom they have a serious relationship were theirs to make based on their own experiences, preferences, and even prejudices, should they develop and exist within them. It wasn't our place to instill any kind of preconceived notions or stereotypes in them. We just didn't want them to wander too far outside the sandbox just because they might think the sandbox next door was finer and less-grainy..... <-----WTF does that even mean.....?

My last long-term relationship prior to marrying my wife was with a black girl which nearly killed my very staunch Mormon mother. But, I didn't subscribe to her ideals and stereotypes and yes.... prejudices so I continued to see the girl for 2 years. She never did accept it and I never forgave her for it. I don't have a problem with any one particular race. I do have a problem with the members of any race who keep the negative stereotypes associated with their respective races alive and well. Unfortunately that situation exists to a very high degree here in Arizona with one particular race. Fortunately, both of my daughters are very bright girls and have witnessed the fallout and the aftermath of some of their friends' relationships which have been interracial and have imploded - a couple which have produced offspring to unwed parents who are no longer together.

[The Sushi Hunter]

Keep in mind that this story is no different from all other success stories out there where for every one success story there are hundreds, if not thousands more that weren't successful. Your just playing the odds like everything else in life.

[Michigan Girl]

I do have a problem with the members of any race who keep the negative stereotypes associated with their respective races alive and well. Unfortunately that situation exists to a very high degree here in Arizona with one particular race. Fortunately, both of my daughters are very bright girls and have witnessed the fallout and the aftermath of some of their friends' relationships which have been interracial and have imploded - a couple which have produced offspring to unwed parents who are no longer together.

There you go.
Let's use Halle Berry as an example here. I love Halle Berry, btw.
HB is half white, she has a child w/a man who is half white and her
child is half white ...she is now dating a white man ( I guess?!) and she has
got to be the most racist half white woman I have ever come across. She
was raised by her white mother but she acknowledges and embraces the black
50% and refuses to allow her daughter/daughter's father acknowledge their daughters
50% white heritage, WTH?!? Her black 50% took off and left the white 50%
behiind to care for her ass and she has such a chip on her shoulder ...I would
never want my children caught up in something like that and I'm pretty brown
myself.

http://thestir.cafemom.com/entertainmen ... her_racist

[JRNYMAN]

I do have a problem with the members of any race who keep the negative stereotypes associated with their respective races alive and well. Unfortunately that situation exists to a very high degree here in Arizona with one particular race. Fortunately, both of my daughters are very bright girls and have witnessed the fallout and the aftermath of some of their friends' relationships which have been interracial and have imploded - a couple which have produced offspring to unwed parents who are no longer together.

There you go.
Let's use Halle Berry as an example here. I love Halle Berry, btw.
HB is half white, she has a child w/a man who is half white and her
child is half white ...she is now dating a white man ( I guess?!) and she has
got to be the most racist half white woman I have ever come across. She
was raised by her white mother but she acknowledges and embraces the black
50% and refuses to allow her daughter/daughter's father acknowledge their daughters
50% white heritage, WTH?!? Her black 50% took off and left the white 50%
behiind to care for her ass and she has such a chip on her shoulder ...I would
never want my children caught up in something like that and I'm pretty brown
myself.

Wow! I wasn't aware she was such a racially motivated person. You'd never get that from the facade she puts on when on camera.
Growing up in San Francisco and then moving to the 'burbs late in my teen years really served to expose me to the many cultures and races of people who make SF the epitome of a melting pot that it really is. The elementary school I went to may have been predominantly white but not by much. Aside from Antarctica, I'm certain every continent and perhaps every country on the planet was well represented there. (The cultural fairs were AWESOME! Great food!! ) The person I am today and the 'tolerances' I possess are directly attributable to growing up surrounded by people who looked different than I did and had different colored skin than I do and spoke more languages at home than I did and practiced a very different religion than I did. Instead of breeding hate and racial resentment, it provided an arena for all of us to learn about and understand each other. And, at the end of the day, we were all there ultimately for one thing: to get an education as a community. Once we walked into the classroom and sat down at our desks we weren't a group made up of different nationalities, we were 26 or so kids all the same age learning the same things at the same time. That's how we saw it.

[The Sushi Hunter]

Ok so what does Halle Berry publically consider herself as being, white, black, mixed? If it's anything like Mariah Carey she will only consider herself as black.

[verslibre]

I have no problem with it you only live one time so why miss out on friendship or even love just because of the color of a person's skin.

The thing is most of you just focus on the "skin color" as to what makes people different from each other. There is a whole lot more to it then just that.

"Mind if we dance with your dates?"

"You know, if I was you, I'd be—"

"LEAVING!!!!"

[Marabelle]

Be careful using Halle Barry as a boilerplate; she's got a lot of relatives who are black that she has not socialized with for many many years. They're feeling as if they do not exist...per some Hollywood column I can't readily remember. People do things and say things which are to their advantage at the moment. I think people who are older are just a lot more conscious of color than people who are younger. It's not that complicated. People are so judgmental and critical of others who seem to be different than they are. There is too much fear based beliefs and assumptions that undermine are ability to get along with each other.

[parfait]

What are you people talking about? There's no such thing as different races within our species.

We're all homo sapiens. Only different is skin color and some miniscule genetic differences.

[Rick]

What are you people talking about? There's no such thing as different races within our species.

We're all homo sapiens. Only different is skin color and some miniscule genetic differences.

So these people hollering about racism can just stfu then.

[Jubilee]

There you go.
Let's use Halle Berry as an example here. I love Halle Berry, btw.
HB is half white, she has a child w/a man who is half white and her
child is half white ...she is now dating a white man ( I guess?!) and she has
got to be the most racist half white woman I have ever come across. She
was raised by her white mother but she acknowledges and embraces the black
50% and refuses to allow her daughter/daughter's father acknowledge their daughters
50% white heritage, WTH?!? Her black 50% took off and left the white 50%
behiind to care for her ass and she has such a chip on her shoulder ...I would
never want my children caught up in something like that and I'm pretty brown
myself.

http://thestir.cafemom.com/entertainmen ... her_racist

Well...hold on there, MG. Let's not forget the "One Drop" rule is still alive and well, and in full effect. Halle Berry, Barack Obama & Mariah Carey and every other bi-racial (black/white) person is still considered "Black" in our society. It isn't a matter of embracing one & not the other, or having a "chip" on one's shoulder. I don't think they have the luxury of choosing. Let's face it, embracing your white heritage is one thing, having it embrace you back is quite another.

[Don]

When it comes to race, a little Mel Brooks can make everything alright.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=493pL_Vb ... ure=fvwrel

[Rick]

There you go.
Let's use Halle Berry as an example here. I love Halle Berry, btw.
HB is half white, she has a child w/a man who is half white and her
child is half white ...she is now dating a white man ( I guess?!) and she has
got to be the most racist half white woman I have ever come across. She
was raised by her white mother but she acknowledges and embraces the black
50% and refuses to allow her daughter/daughter's father acknowledge their daughters
50% white heritage, WTH?!? Her black 50% took off and left the white 50%
behiind to care for her ass and she has such a chip on her shoulder ...I would
never want my children caught up in something like that and I'm pretty brown
myself.

http://thestir.cafemom.com/entertainmen ... her_racist

Well...hold on there, MG. Let's not forget the "One Drop" rule is still alive and well, and in full effect. Halle Berry, Barack Obama & Mariah Carey and every other bi-racial (black/white) person is still considered "Black" in our society. It isn't a matter of embracing one & not the other, or having a "chip" on one's shoulder. I don't think they have the luxury of choosing. Let's face it, embracing your white heritage is one thing, having it embrace you back is quite another.

People are labeled by race on job applications and in many other areas. You have to affiliate with one or another, whether you want to or not. The only reason anyone would be considered "Black" if they're 50% black and 50% white is if they look more black, which is usually the case because the black gene tends to override the white one. Another thing that I'm getting from your post is that being "Black" carries a negative connotation. I say that's up to each individual. If you think it does and I don't, then we differ. That's like saying that someone's skin color makes them who they are, when you and I both know there is nothing farther from the truth.

[JRNYMAN]

People are labeled by race on job applications and in many other areas.

Which brings up another point along the same lines....
Is it wrong that I check Native American on any form which asks my nationality? If you were born and raised in say, Arizona, people call you a "native" Arizonan and likewise with California and every other state. Why then does "Native American" apply exclusively to those whom we've come to associate the term with? I'm as God Damned Native American as any other person who was born in the United States!

[Jubilee]

Well...hold on there, MG. Let's not forget the "One Drop" rule is still alive and well, and in full effect. Halle Berry, Barack Obama & Mariah Carey and every other bi-racial (black/white) person is still considered "Black" in our society. It isn't a matter of embracing one & not the other, or having a "chip" on one's shoulder. I don't think they have the luxury of choosing. Let's face it, embracing your white heritage is one thing, having it embrace you back is quite another.

People are labeled by race on job applications and in many other areas. You have to affiliate with one or another, whether you want to or not. The only reason anyone would be considered "Black" if they're 50% black and 50% white is if they look more black, which is usually the case because the black gene tends to override the white one. Another thing that I'm getting from your post is that being "Black" carries a negative connotation. I say that's up to each individual. If you think it does and I don't, then we differ. That's like saying that someone's skin color makes them who they are, when you and I both know there is nothing farther from the truth.

You're a walking contradiction, my man.

No. No. No. The point I was trying to make is the White Club is pretty tough to break into. One non-white parent pretty much excludes you. And sure, you and I both know the color of someones skin does not make them who they are, but, you and I both also know that hasn't always been a widely held belief.

[Rick]

Well...hold on there, MG. Let's not forget the "One Drop" rule is still alive and well, and in full effect. Halle Berry, Barack Obama & Mariah Carey and every other bi-racial (black/white) person is still considered "Black" in our society. It isn't a matter of embracing one & not the other, or having a "chip" on one's shoulder. I don't think they have the luxury of choosing. Let's face it, embracing your white heritage is one thing, having it embrace you back is quite another.

People are labeled by race on job applications and in many other areas. You have to affiliate with one or another, whether you want to or not. The only reason anyone would be considered "Black" if they're 50% black and 50% white is if they look more black, which is usually the case because the black gene tends to override the white one. Another thing that I'm getting from your post is that being "Black" carries a negative connotation. I say that's up to each individual. If you think it does and I don't, then we differ. That's like saying that someone's skin color makes them who they are, when you and I both know there is nothing farther from the truth.

You're a walking contradiction, my man.

No. No. No. The point I was trying to make is the White Club is pretty tough to break into. One non-white parent pretty much excludes you. And sure, you and I both know the color of someones skin does not make them who they are, but, you and I both also know that hasn't always been a widely held belief.

I'm just saying your post gave me that vibe. I don't see the contradiction.

[Jubilee]

Well...hold on there, MG. Let's not forget the "One Drop" rule is still alive and well, and in full effect. Halle Berry, Barack Obama & Mariah Carey and every other bi-racial (black/white) person is still considered "Black" in our society. It isn't a matter of embracing one & not the other, or having a "chip" on one's shoulder. I don't think they have the luxury of choosing. Let's face it, embracing your white heritage is one thing, having it embrace you back is quite another.

People are labeled by race on job applications and in many other areas. You have to affiliate with one or another, whether you want to or not. The only reason anyone would be considered "Black" if they're 50% black and 50% white is if they look more black, which is usually the case because the black gene tends to override the white one. Another thing that I'm getting from your post is that being "Black" carries a negative connotation. I say that's up to each individual. If you think it does and I don't, then we differ. That's like saying that someone's skin color makes them who they are, when you and I both know there is nothing farther from the truth.

You're a walking contradiction, my man.

No. No. No. The point I was trying to make is the White Club is pretty tough to break into. One non-white parent pretty much excludes you. And sure, you and I both know the color of someones skin does not make them who they are, but, you and I both also know that hasn't always been a widely held belief.

I'm just saying your post gave me that vibe. I don't see the contradiction.

I see. I see. Written words can definitely be tricky that way.

The contradiction is this: in the first part of your post you seem to be saying "why would anyone admit being black if they could pass for white?", implying there is a negative connotation. Then, later in the same post, you say you don't think being black carries a negative connotation.

...and it may be time to calibrate your vibe-r-ator, Rick. I'm not angry, I'm just throwing my .02 cents worth in...

[Rick]

Well...hold on there, MG. Let's not forget the "One Drop" rule is still alive and well, and in full effect. Halle Berry, Barack Obama & Mariah Carey and every other bi-racial (black/white) person is still considered "Black" in our society. It isn't a matter of embracing one & not the other, or having a "chip" on one's shoulder. I don't think they have the luxury of choosing. Let's face it, embracing your white heritage is one thing, having it embrace you back is quite another.

People are labeled by race on job applications and in many other areas. You have to affiliate with one or another, whether you want to or not. The only reason anyone would be considered "Black" if they're 50% black and 50% white is if they look more black, which is usually the case because the black gene tends to override the white one. Another thing that I'm getting from your post is that being "Black" carries a negative connotation. I say that's up to each individual. If you think it does and I don't, then we differ. That's like saying that someone's skin color makes them who they are, when you and I both know there is nothing farther from the truth.

You're a walking contradiction, my man.

No. No. No. The point I was trying to make is the White Club is pretty tough to break into. One non-white parent pretty much excludes you. And sure, you and I both know the color of someones skin does not make them who they are, but, you and I both also know that hasn't always been a widely held belief.

I'm just saying your post gave me that vibe. I don't see the contradiction.

I see. I see. Written words can definitely be tricky that way.

The contradiction is this: in the first part of your post you seem to be saying "why would anyone admit being black if they could pass for white?", implying there is a negative connotation. Then, later in the same post, you say you don't think being black carries a negative connotation.

...and it may be time to calibrate your vibe-r-ator, Rick. I'm not angry, I'm just throwing my .02 cents worth in...

Nooooooooo! That's not what I meant at all. I should have worded it better. The only way someone would consider a person who's 50/50, "Black", is if they look black, which is usually the case because of the dominant black gene. Does that sound better?

[steveo777]

There was a very pretty black chick that had the hots for me my senior year of HS. Sad to say I would have dated her, had it not been for my fear of what my parents may have thought. In the 70's we were just not there yet. Gotta admit, since women wore "bush" back then, there was also a small fear of the "brillo pad".

[majik]

There was a very pretty black chick that had the hots for me my senior year of HS. Sad to say I would have dated her, had it not been for my fear of what my parents may have thought. In the 70's we were just not there yet. Gotta admit, since women wore "bush" back then, there was also a small fear of the "brillo pad".

[verslibre]

There was a very pretty black chick that had the hots for me my senior year of HS. Sad to say I would have dated her, had it not been for my fear of what my parents may have thought. In the 70's we were just not there yet. Gotta admit, since women wore "bush" back then, there was also a small fear of the "brillo pad".

You should went for the mocha, man. Nothing wrong with bush! Don'tcha remember the pornos from the '70s & '80s!!!

[steveo777]

There was a very pretty black chick that had the hots for me my senior year of HS. Sad to say I would have dated her, had it not been for my fear of what my parents may have thought. In the 70's we were just not there yet. Gotta admit, since women wore "bush" back then, there was also a small fear of the "brillo pad".

You should went for the mocha, man. Nothing wrong with bush! Don'tcha remember the pornos from the '70s & '80s!!!

Yes I do! Still, I always found a black woman's pad a bit scary! You ever pet a natural black person's hair down there? It will sand your varnish right off!