by Cassie Anderson on Sunday, April 1, 2012 at 11:30am
April 1, 2012
Perryitis--term for a highly contagious condition experienced by millions of Steve Perry fans, caused by repeated, prolonged exposure to his music, pictures, videos, and is especially strong in those lucky few who happen to meet Steve Perry (SP). There is no known cure.
Opposite of the Perry Flu, which is caused by a lack of exposure to SP, and can only be treated by inducing Perryitis. See previous note for info on Perry Flu.
Research into a cure for Perryitis has been stalled, as subjects with this condition express no desire to be cured. Researchers are baffled.
How To Tell If You Have Perryitis:
If you are experiencing any one of the following symptoms, you may have Perryitis:
1. If the sight of SP photos causes you to have weakness of the knees, rapid breathing and pulse, flushing of the cheeks.
2. Uncontrollable bouts of giggling when viewing certain pics, videos, or speaking with SP fans.
3. Crying tears of joy while viewing pics and videos of SP hugging fans. This symptom usually increases strength of Perryitis.
4. Hearing certain songs from SP leaves you with a goofy smile plastered on your face for the rest of the day.
5. Hours of giddiness for no apparent reason, family members may be asking questions at this stage. You may also develop an insatiable appetite for more info on SP, you spend hours reading interviews and articles about him. You may also develop increased creativity, and desire to write stories, draw cartoons, create beautiful works of art using his photos, or many other hobbies featuring SP.
6. Development of a peculiar new language. This is evidence of chronic, severe affliction of Perryitis. You start using acronyms such as, "DSB", "FTLOSM", "LTS", "FA", in your daily speech. Also the use of phrases laced with the word "Perry", such as, "Perry On", "Get your Perry going", "Perry'd up", "Perrylicious", "Perry-tastic", and you say goodnight to your friends by wishing them "Sweet Perry Dreams". Other words may also be identified, but these are the most common.**
**These words were not invented by me, they were taught to me by those afflicted with Perryitis.
7. All of these symptoms combined--you definitely have Perryitis.
Finally, please note that if you have repeatedly been exposed to SP songs, videos, etc. and have not experienced any of the above symptoms, you do not have Perryitis. You do carry a strong risk of developing the Perry Flu, and you need to proceed immediately to the nearest SP fan club, website, or FB group for support.
Thank you, and don't forget to Perry On!
This has been a special health report, by Cassie Anderson
